Saturday, April 25, 2009

What the hell am I thinking...

So i got into a small argument with my bf, and he left mad and here it is 10pm. I fell asleep and woke up at 11 hungry and upset, instead of making myself something sensible i binged on junk. A handfull of cashews, 3 dark chocolate truffles, my moms macaroni salad that was loaded with real mayo and sodium. A serving of Baked Cheddar mix by qakers and 3 meringue cookies. Whats worse is I was alone and had to use my Breathing treatment nebulizer machine again tonight because my asthma is getting out of control. At night it is worse and I wake up not able to breathe, weezing and caughing and the rescue inhaller isnt working so much. I find myself having to use it every 2-3 hours, I am afraid that I will end up having to walk around with oxygen! There are alot of things on my mind at the moment which is why I binged, because I didnt want to deal with all the emotions I was feeling. I don't understand why I do these things to myself, and to think that I am so close to my goal I can feel it, but what do I do... I havnt done a damn thing in the way of excersise, and I am hating myself for it. Its just that I am plain Lazy, I thought the book I bought from bob would help, i feel like its shit I already know and that I waisted my money. He wants you to walk 20 minutes 3-4 times a week for 4 weeks. Ok that is something i already know, and the other core/strength training stuff he has I already did in my Denise Austin DVD's.... Maybe that was what triggered my mood in the first place. Im using his computer and his keyboard sucks so excuse my typing....


  1. Quit hating yourself!!!

    You are beautiful and vibrant. You are on a difficult journey, but look at how far you have come.

    It's good to vent and post a rant...gets it out of your system. Now you need to balance that with some positive vibes.

    We're all human, we all make mistakes or do things and wonder why in the hell we did them. Get over it, move on, and focus on good stuff for awhile.


  2. Awww, binging feels sooo good usually at the moment but the after... grrr.

    Im sorry you fought with the boy. You are doing so well, so you have to chalk it up to a mistake, guilt free and just move on. Today is a new day...get your behind outside and move!