Friday, May 28, 2010

Someone Kick me in the ass, or light a fire under it!!

So the weather has been really bi-polar here in Sacramento for the last couple of weeks. With that came stress of not being able to get out and walk and bike, which in turn caused me to become Depressed. Then Of course my TOM was in the works and that did not make it any easier. Also in that time I have come to the realization that the people I thought were my friends are only there when they want something from me. Therefore I have no real friends and that comes the thought of not being able to hang out and have BB Q's in the summer and OHHHH the Loneliness :(... This is too much to handle all at once, so I decided that eating, sleeping and Drinking would help me get through all the emotions that were brewing in me. Yeah drinking Rum and soda or energy drinks every day isn't very helpful. Yesterday was bad, I had A family size bag of jalapeno popper Doritos to myself, 3 doughnuts for breakfast, 4 ounces of lunch meat on my sandwich and for dinner 5 pieces of pizza and 3 crazy breads with lots of sauce. Now I know it could have been worse and I know i made these choices and I am OK with them, but did they help? Not in the least! I am surprised that I woke up in a better mood today with a bit of energy and clean eats to start the day. A afternoon walk that started with some douche yelling out his car "walk fat ass, Walk!!" I was like WTF, then I flipped him off and told him to come say it to my face and called him a Motherfucker!! I was pissed because for one, I have not ever had anyone do that to me since I was a teen. Second I know I'm still fat at 177 pounds and only 5'1 but I don't need some stranger reminding me of that. Yeah I am up from 173 but I am aware and I know now that the weather is improving I will be too!! Happy Friday everyone

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Eating right and still struggling, and more Tattoo pictures LOL

I have been back into my eating right and moving since Monday and I am still hungry all the time. I don't know whats going on, other than I am allowed 1228-1400 calories depending on how much I exercise to lose 1 pound a week. I decided to go back on maintenance again so I can have more calories and see if it helps. The only other thing I can think of is that I'm a week away from starting my period. I have noticed that once a month I go up a few pounds and then right back down again. Anyone else have that problem? I am sure it is because of the dreaded woman monthly and I guess that I should not let it bother me 0r get me down because it happens and there is nothing I can do about it, besides I go back down anyways. My new tattoo is healing nicely, but the last one I got is having issues. My girl didn't go in that deep but was having problems with her gun and the colored ink she was using. I wanted her to finish it so that i can share it but she said it wasn't healed enough for her liking. It has been 2 weeks now, so I am hoping by the end of the month I can have it finished.

Here it is when she first did it :

And this is it now:

Monday, May 17, 2010

I got a new Tattoo

Just wanted to share my newest tatt I got it today and I am so in love with it!!!

Saturday, May 15, 2010

another pound gone this week :)

I lost a pound this week so I am happy to be at 174. I have really been kicking my but with my workouts and making sure I drink tons of water and eat right. Come to find out my dear boyfriend who watches me workout and doesn't eat all his calories Loses 4 freaking pounds and in now considered overweight and not obese... MEN!!! So we decided to have a little leniency on the weekends and enjoy a drink or 2 I know this prolly isn't the best way to go about my healthy lifestyle, but I am feeling like I am still young and I want to enjoy life while I can. It is different because I am not using it to drown my pain anymore, but more a way to relax and DE stress. Things are getting a little better at home since I have learned to stand up for myself, but there is still a lot of work that needs to be done. I have 29 years of programing that I need to work through. I am no longer living up to any ones expectations but my own, even if it means I must disown part of my family it is worth it to me, they bring me down and try to start BS and drama and I don't need that in my life, besides I think they are jealous because I am my own person now with no obligations and I don't let them walk all over me anymore and it scares them. I do what I want and I am working on myself because I want to be truly happy and little by little it finally happening.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Guess who's back, back again...

Yes indeedy my lovely bloggers I am back with a vengeance! For two weeks I made poor decisions, I ate too much chocolate, we ate out at restaurants to much and I drank to much Bacardi and energy drinks mixed with Pepsi one. Thing is that I could have done worse considering all the stress and things that were going on in my head these last few weeks. I am proud of myself for not being to hard and knowing that I am human an entitled to make poor choices as long as I am accountable. I have got back into doing the 30 day shred yet again, I am on day three and I have really been pushing myself and doing things I couldn't before. My muscles are very sore, I have a hard time siting down and sleeping on my sides because my thighs hurt something fierce. My upper arms towards my armpits and a little towards the boobulos hurt too, but I like it. I'm working on my mental issues and I am trying to learn to stand up for myself and it is really hard for me and I don't know why. Sometimes I feel that no matter how many times I am told that I am better and worth more I just don't believe it deep down because of all the negative I have gotten from family and supposed friends. Those are the main things I need to work on because they are weighing me down. My parents have gotten worse and I need to just learn to stand up to them because I really don't like the stress they put me under and it is high time that I start putting myself First!!!

Friday, May 7, 2010

2 weeks of crap eating...

I have been struggling a lot these past few weeks. I have gone even over my Maintenance calories for at lest 5 of those days. I am having issues with loosing faith in humanity, as it seems like everyone is out to back stab me and let me down. My b-day kinda sucked but I guess I am getting older and it shouldn't matter. I did get my tattoo, but its not finished and I am still in so much pain. Getting it finished and the other one when it is healed. I am up .5 pounds on the scale today, but its OK because I know I have been making terrible choices and I have not had a BM in a few days so that is contributing to it as well. So anyways that's about all I can muster up to type like I said I'm feeling down and out and lonely.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Today is my B-Day!!!

Today is my Birthday and I am officially 29 years old. Wow it feels so weird to type it let alone say it out loud. I have great eats planned for today, breakfast is oatmeal with banana, lunch will be a salad with tuna and dinner is Grilled Chicken with homemade Chipotle BBQ sauce, Fresh grilled shrimp, Grilled Zucchini and squash and My low fat Homemade red potatoes salad. Maybe a shot or 2 of tequila or rum with amp but that's a maybe.

I am going to get 2 tattoo's today and I am excited that I had a hard time sleeping last night. I felt like a child on Christmas eve LOL. I'm stopping at Starbucks on the way and getting a Venti Iced Americano with a little nonfat milk, to share with my honey. Well I hope that everyone has a great CINCO DE MAYO!!!