I applied for every job opening withing a 100 mile radius and nothing not an e-mail or phone call. Some places I have applied to every 6 months and still nothing. So I am not sitting on my ass waiting for a handout, because even thought I have BPD I doubt I will be approved on my final SS Appeal. Sad that I know so many people that use tax dollars to buy Drugs!!! Me I would use the money to get out of this toxic Environment once and for all, and buy all the fresh clean foods I would love to eat but cannot afford. I would never buy alcohol or junk food as I don't now at all with my EBT. So I will continue on with my gym 4 times a week and eat right and hope to be healthy. And hope that I can get something going in my life before its too late and I end up just like my parents (which I know they secretly hope for).
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Again I have been away and came back again LOL. My life is pretty much the same, still dealing with the same drama at home in my toxic Environment. Still broke and still wishing for something more to do with my life than be a house Bitch. But enough about all that. I am down to 169 pounds!~ The lightest I have been since I was a teenager. It feels good and I am beginning to love my body more, even though I have massive loose skin. Been eating great and going to the gym 4 times a week for an hour or more. Been having yard sales almost every weekend and the setting up and packing up burns lots of calories. I sweat allot more now and have also been eating allot of fresh salsa we made from our garden and the Habanero, Cayenne and the Serrano's really fire up the metabolism! I try to keep myself busy, and I do while the SO is at work but when he comes home i just get blah, because we have nothing and don't do anything but sit in front of the computer or sleep other than going to the gym. His $90 a week pays the bills and barely, don't get me wrong Very glad that he even has a job since they are so hard to come by nowadays, and at least the bills are getting paid. I can barely afford to buy food anymore and I am the only one who actually buys Real food, my mom buys nothing but junk and then throws it in my face when she buys a package of chicken, when I mention I cannot afford to feed all 4 of us anymore with no help... It is an endless cycle and every opportunity that we have had to get out was just as bad as staying here, and with having to pay utilities and rent there is no way it is possible especially without a car. It really makes me cry when now you literally have to have a car and tons of money to anything. Aside from going on a walk or bike ride but that gets old and you can only do so much before its time to come home and clean up after the parental units because their hands are broke!!! Then the Viscous Cycle begins all over again anyways so the stress relief you get from exercising is diminished from all the stress. I would like to say that my life sucks, but I know that I have more than allot of people out there and I am thankful for that. But when is it enough to go through so much and never ever get a break. Murderers and child abusers and DICKS and Pricks get everything handed to them and us Good people, the hard workers and the kind Get the Shaft... Do you really think that is the way the world is supposed to work? Well it does because man kind sucks and they are destroying faith and any Hopes for a future. I would never bring a child into this horrible world hell at the rate my life is going a child is never going to happen nor is marriage without Stability and financial stability. Now I am no wheres trying to throw a pity party I am just getting things off my chest that have been bugging me lately.