I got the double whammy, Steriods and TOM... UGGG

Just wanted to send out a quick thanks to everyone that has commented on my blogs and for all the advice and suggestions, support and thoughts!!! I have been drinking alot of water today, and I did have my benefiber with breakfast and it has seemed to help. I got a double whammy tho, the steriods that make me hungy and the TOM that makes me crave and gain weight. So I am screwed so to speak this week for weigh in, im already back up to 202 today so who knows by tommorow. *sigh* Tommorow is the day we sign our lease and get the keys to the new house, were going over to measure and check things out as well as do some cleaning so I will be getting some excersise, since I cant workout until my asthma is 100% under control. it is doing alot better today, I did wake up at 5 am but I wasnt short of breath or wheezing, until I went to go back to sleep, then it hit me, It wasnt as bad as it has been tho so I am hoping it is getting better.

Todays eats

Breakfast: 1/2 cup FO original, 1/2 cup FO raisin bran clusters,1/2 cup ff milk and 6 strawberry's 8oz kids minute maid OJ and 2tbs Benefiber powder

Lunch: A salad with my usual minus the cheese, add 1 oz chicken breast, 1 wedge Laughing Cow garlic & herb and 4 multigrain Melba snacks crackers

Snack: 3oz mini peeled carrots, 1 sargento 2% low fat string cheese snack size

Dinner: 3oz grilled chicken breast, 1/2 cup Chicken stove top, 1.25 cup cooked chopped spinach and 8oz Cranergy Pomagrante Crandberry lift

Snack for tonight: 1/2 cup total cereal and 1/4 cup FF milk, maybe 1/4 7' banana

Let the bindging begin! I cant spell

Uggg Ihate prednisone, it makes me so hungry and all i do is eat, it cant be controled it is the nasty side affect of the drug... I just want this to be over with, 4 more days of 6 pills at a time. This stuff really is scary, but I need it to get better! I am eating healthy things tho so Im not binging out on junk food. I guess that is a plus *sigh*

My Asthma Landed Me in the Hospitol..

As many of you know Ive been suffering from severe allergies. For the last couple of days my Asthma has been really uncontrolable, and very early this morning I had a severe flare-up that landed me at the hospitol. They gave me a breathing treatment, several prescriptions for new medications. So now I am on Prednisone (and I hope I dont gain hella weight like I did that last time I took it) Proventil 2-4 puffs every 2 hours or as needed. My nebulizer which has both Liquid Albuterol and Atrovent every 4 hours, The preventative Inhaled corticosteriod Qvar (beclomethasone) and Singulair which is for both allergies and asthma and also a Nasal allergy spray. I cant excersise untill I get it under control which wont be for a few weeks, but I can walk and as long as I wear a mask I can pack and move and clean. Blah, Im so tired ive been awake since 3am and not being able to breathe is so scary. Dr told me I could have died because Asthma is so serious if it isnt under control. Now the last time My asthma was severe like this was in 2001 and I was about 200 pounds then too, at 300 my asthma never got any where near this severe. Im going to take it easy for a couple days and take all my meds so that I can get better. They say it is ok to walk outside I just have to take it easy and it is good for me as well.

Need some advice on buying an Elliptical?

So now that I will have some extra space in the new house, Im looking into buying an elliptical machine. I don't have much to spend Im looking for something under $300. I want to know if anyone has any good suggestions on which brand to get and where to buy at. Im looking at Wal mart because its easy to get to and they do have good deals on things.

Got some great News today

If you have read some of my previous blogs where I mentioned I still live at home with my parents and that they were facing Foreclosure on our house. It has been really stressful and especailly for me, one because I feel like I failed them because I cant do anything to help them out because I have no means of my own, second because I was the one who had to look for rental houses, set up appointments and take care of all the Things that needed taken care of whilst my mom worked. Well I started looking in Janurary we saw a ton of houses but none of them were right, or in the right area we wanted to live in. Well we finally found one at the begging of the month and it has taken us this long to get into contact with the company and get things squared away, today they accepted our aplications for rental and we have the house we wanted. It is such a great load of my shoulders, because now I don't have to worry and stress that we will be living on the street or in a tent. I still have a little stress because we still have to pack and move , and I have to take care of alot of things I have never done, like transfering the phone and internet, the satalite and things. We sign our lease and get our keys on Friday then we move in. I may be away for a bit while we get things cituated, tho I believe my computer will be the last to go. I feel like I will be planning alot of things, like meals and snacks while were moving so were not tempted to get fast food or order Pizza. I also feel like moving a house with just 4 people in which 2 cant lift much I will be getting one hell of a workout. I will keep ya posted and all that good stuff... I ate good today we went to a resturant for lunch to celebrate,and I only ate .15 of my burrito I got(because I had a 6' subway sandwhich for lunch) and Im still ok with calories.

Breakfast was the usual fiber one cereal, ff milk and strawberries

Mini carrots for snack

Lucnh was subway sandwich 6'

dinner was 2oz chicken breast,1 cup california blend veggies,1/2 cup homemaid Mac salad and 1 slice of Double fiber bread.

I am Thrilled...

Today I have officialy Lost 100 pounds... 200 pounds baby, i made my mini weight goal and although I am thrilled, im a little scared too.

Different Mindset

Thanks for all the encouraging posts about my binge last night. Funny thing is that this is the 3rd time I have binged and it resulted in a .5 pound loss LOL. I ate good today and we even took the dog for a walk, if all goes on plan mom will want to walk after dinner too. That would be great, I will take all the walking I can get. Just that 20 minute walk alone made me feel much better and I had forgoten how I felt after walking/working out and it is amazing. I have been lacking in the calcium and Iron dept lately so that could be why I have been feeling down and lethargic. I Do eat alot of carbs, and it concerns me a bit, but I just cant seem to find much of the things I like that are lower in carbs. I tried to change my cereal and the end result was too much uncomfortness in my digestive tract and also a weight gain. I will stick with my Fiber one, i love it and it gives my daily fiber intake. There are certain things that I know most people would say to cut back on, like the Fiber one bars that I eat almost everyday, I realize that they have fat, carbs and HFCS in them but the nutrition I get from them out weigh the bad. I don't feel like I am eating empty calories, like I do when I eat some chocolates, and chips on ocasian i just find it extremely hard to eat 90-100% clean. Especially when I live with other people that don't share my views of food and Nutrition, it gets very frustrating. Breakfast and lunch are ok during the week, but dinner and weekends are harder because I have to make things that everyone enjoy's and thats not always the best foods for me, and I do have the choice of not eating these things, but when there isnt much else, and veggies are limited it can be hard. I do watch my portion sizes on these things, on everything really, i only eat like 2-3oz of fish, and chicken now but it feels me up when before I would eat 2 whole chicken breasts 2-3 servings of a Starch and always loved my veggies. It is just amazing to me, how far I have come, and I made very drastic changes to my diet all at once. I stoped eating eggs, mayo, butter and whole milk, whole cheese and white bread, all fast food, cakes, pies, dognuts and most of all kicked my 12 soda a day habbit in the butt, quit cold turkey. I still ate chips but I replaced them with 100 calorie packs, and the cookies as well and I could do with just one pack, now they are cut out mostly to ocasionally like maybe 2 times a month if I am lucky. Im also suprised with the drastic changes that I didnt drop more weight and at a faster rate, I did good in my opinon with the drastic changes I made. They worked for me and still do, I dont feel deprived at all alot has to do with mind set and how I view food I think, that junk and fast food has no nutritional value whatsover so why should I put it in my body? I guess I am rambling and running on just looking back and reflecting on how far I have come. Im not going to beet myself up for mistakes I make, I will learn and think about why I made the choices I did, that way next time I might make better choices. Move on and keep my head held high becuase I know what I am doing and I alone are responsible for what I put into my body and the choices I make.

Tommorow I plan on walking and getting back into my work out dvd's. I will do it and not push myself I will start out slow and try and do them everyday until I am used to them again and I feel I can Push myself. My 28th B-day is right around the corner and for once I want to feel like I am worth the effort put into the celebration.

What the hell am I thinking...

So i got into a small argument with my bf, and he left mad and here it is 10pm. I fell asleep and woke up at 11 hungry and upset, instead of making myself something sensible i binged on junk. A handfull of cashews, 3 dark chocolate truffles, my moms macaroni salad that was loaded with real mayo and sodium. A serving of Baked Cheddar mix by qakers and 3 meringue cookies. Whats worse is I was alone and had to use my Breathing treatment nebulizer machine again tonight because my asthma is getting out of control. At night it is worse and I wake up not able to breathe, weezing and caughing and the rescue inhaller isnt working so much. I find myself having to use it every 2-3 hours, I am afraid that I will end up having to walk around with oxygen! There are alot of things on my mind at the moment which is why I binged, because I didnt want to deal with all the emotions I was feeling. I don't understand why I do these things to myself, and to think that I am so close to my goal I can feel it, but what do I do... I havnt done a damn thing in the way of excersise, and I am hating myself for it. Its just that I am plain Lazy, I thought the book I bought from bob would help, i feel like its shit I already know and that I waisted my money. He wants you to walk 20 minutes 3-4 times a week for 4 weeks. Ok that is something i already know, and the other core/strength training stuff he has I already did in my Denise Austin DVD's.... Maybe that was what triggered my mood in the first place. Im using his computer and his keyboard sucks so excuse my typing....

My day was Fun, and I got Good news.

Went to the mall today and had a great time. We stoped at the books store and I picked up a new book called Are you ready? by Bob Harper of the biggest loser. I looked for the book that monica had suggest for me, and from the cover I didnt see, for the life of me I could not remember the name or the author. Then we walked a little bit, went into a couple of stores and decited to have some lunch. We went to a place called Fresh Choice, and I was in shear heaven, all you can eat salad bar, soups and pasta. Best part is they have little cards on the buffet that say what it is and give you the Nutritional info on every item. My kinda place and the food was really good they have this soup called greak artichoke lemon rice and it was so tasty. Harvest bread which is very light and soft (dark in color). I will definatly go there again and again snd it hands down beats any other Buffet style place ever!!

Also I went into the stores I used to love to shop in (+size like Torrid and lane bryant) the clothes were all so big on me and anything smaller just didnt look good in style. Tho I did get some new bra's that is the one thing I will never get away from is the +size Bras.. THO I AM VERY HAPPY TO report I went from a Freaking Size 44F to a 40DD. Mind you I havnt worn a DD since JR High school.... I also was able to find some shirts in the Jr section of a popular store and Purchased them as a reward for making my goal. They are a little snug in the belly, but not for long. We walked around the mall for about 3 hours. I am stoked tho and I am in such a 180 different mood then I was last night...

Todays eats:

Breakfast. 1/2 cup each FO honey Clusters, FO Raisin Bran Clusters and FF milk and 3 strawberries

Lunch (Fresh Choice) was a big salad with lots of veggies, 1/4 cup rainbow rottini, ff italian dressing, 1 cup greek artichoke lemon rice soup, 1 slice of harvest bread, 2 cups of Squash Rattatoile (that was very good too and low in everything) and 2 Iced teas as my drink

Dinner was Grilled Catfish Fillet, 1/2 cup rice and 1/2 sweet white corn.

Snack, 1oz each of NSA Raspberry Frozen yogurt, Milk Chocolate Frozen yogurt...

that is it so far, but yet I have about 1200 calories left over to use up... so I might add more

Today's Weigh In... WOOTERS!!

Well i got up this morning and weighed myself... to my Shocking suprise the scale read 201.0!!! I am so excited that I am only 1 pound from my goal. I went over my calories just a bit last night, so I am guessing that I didnt put enough in for excersise and I got as close to my alloted calories as I could. Im in a whole different mindset today, looking forward to catching up on blogs and getting on with my day. No idea what we are going to do today but because my BF gained he will prolly want to go walk around somewheres. He started drinking soda again lol and I know that is why he gained. So its official we are going to the mall and the bookstore, which means pleanty of walking which I enjoy alot. So Im off to read blogs then off to get my walk on. Have a Great Friday everyone!!

uggg... Update

It looks like it is going to rain, very yucky outside, i had to rush to take care of some things that I had not planed for today and it stressed me out. I took a fiber one bar with me incase so I wasnt tempted to emotionally eat out. After things were taken care of I needed to go to the store to get some sweet potatoes, now I will never unsderstand why some people dont know the difference of a Sweet Potatoe and a YAM.. they are 2 different things, but yet some people and stores/manufacturers think they are the same thing. Needless to say 3 stores later and no one had any, so I had to settle for red potatoes, which I will cut up drizzle olive oil, shalot and garlic and seasoning over toss and throw in the oven and then broil for 5 m intues, yummo. As far as my enthusiasm goes that was shot down when the stress hit. I had a good lunch, but i feel bloated and very tired, so now my workout has been shot to hell as well. I just want to crawl back into bed and call it a day. Tommorow is WI day and I only have until next week to loose those last 2 pounds I need to... Although I have been thinking that even if I dont get to my goal, I am so freaking prows of how far I have come in this journey. I lost 97 freaking pounds in 18 months, I feel better mostly and things are so different in my life then they were when I was so heavy... I have to go now, some more things I havnt planned for that I have to take care of... I need to write more so I will be b ack on when we get back!

its early for me...

I am up an hour early today, im guessing it is because I went to bed a little bit earlier last night. I was trying to finish up Twilight so I can move on to New Moon, but I just couldnt keep my eyes open lol. So I am in a much better mood so far, the weather is much cooler as well. It does look a little gloomy out but it could be because it was 8 am. I am trying to plan my day so far I have eats and I know I need to go get some sweet potatos. I am going to something today, not sure if I want to try my hand at the Dance your pants off, or try and do mon,tue, wed, thurs of DA Daily dozen to make up for the lack of working out. Either way Im going to workout today, and if it doesnt look like rain Im going to get that doggie of mine out for a walk too!! I have much enthusaiam for today.. I'll keep you updated because things do change, lol...

Im in a funk.. and todays eats

Even thoufg the weather was much nicer today it was still rather hot. I did manage to get som e things done I wanted to, but nothing really on the excersise front and that depresses me. I have been trying so hard to get my butt back into gear, but ever since i got sick last month I havnt really done much of anything in the way of working out other than alot of walking. I dont think working around the house and packing and moving some boxes here and there is really going to pay off. I know that every little bit helps and counts, but its not the same to me. My SO has been rather lazy himself and I think it is rubbing off on me again. I know I shouldnt let him bring me down, but we spend 24/7, 7 days a week together non stop. Most things he does bug me to the point I get so frustrated. We dont go to bed at the same time, he stays up until 4am sometimes playing on the computer, That is what got me to 300 pounds was siting at my computer playing an online game for all hours of the day and night. I dont want to go back to that lifestyle its not what I want in life. I always look at it from some point of view that, we are both unemployed neither of us have a car,were both broke and we have no friends, it is sad to say but it is the truth, so what else is there really to do? Everything around the house gets done by me everyday and that can only take up a few hours a day, he isnt the outdoorsie type that likes to play badmiton or frisbe, or really any sports other then pool and really that doesnt get your heart rate up. I am rambling on about the same things I have posted about before, i guess I just cant seem to change things, and I am in a funk. my b-day is in 2 weeks and I would like to be 200 or under but the way things are going Im not sure it will happen.

Ive been thinking that maybe the reason I didnt stick with my workout videos was because they were not all the fun, sure I saw results when I would keep up with it and do it everyday for a week or two. Guess it just got old and now I am lazy and dont want to do a damn thing...


todays eats:

breakfast 1/2 cup each fiber one honey clusters and shredded wheat, ff milk, 4 strawberries, 80z of kids minute maid OJ

Lunch was a whole wheat pita with .10 cup purred avocado, reduced fat provolone (1 slice) lettace and 1 oz grilled chicken breast shredded. 2 cups sweet butter lettace with the usual veggies, edamame, shrimp, crutons, sprouts and 1 tbsp 4 cheese reduced fat shredded. 1 tbsp Toasted sesame dressing

snacks were Chocolate mocha fiber one chewy bar, 3 oz mini carrots, 4 oz ff nsa frozen yogurt, Cherry Cobler yoplait

Dinner was 2oz grilled chicken breast, 1/2 cup brown rice and 1 cup of California blend Veggies. with .25 tsp of ICBINB...

Todays Eats

Breakfast was 1/2 cup each Fiber one honey clusters, Frosted shredded wheat and ff milk
1/2 6' banana

Lunch was 2 cups veggie lovers salad mix, .25 cup each of red bell pepper, mushrooms, radishes, alfalfa sprouts and avocado. 6 slice cucumber .20 cup edamame, 1 oz salad size shrimp, 1 tbsp reduced fat 4 cheese mexzican blend 5 homestyle crutons and 1 tbsp Toasted sesame dressing. 1/2 whole wheat bun with 2 tbsp peanut butter made from strictly peanuts no salt or oil, and 2 Strawberries. 2 glasses of fresh brewed lipton Iced tea no sweatener.

Snacks: Fiber one chewy oats & chocolate bar, 7oz baby carrots, 3oz Fat free milk chocoalte Frozen yogurt, 3 oz Fat free NO Sugar added Strawberry banana frozen yogurt

Dinner was 2oz Grilled Bnls sknls chicken breast, 1/2 cup brown rice, and 1 Jumbo Artichoke and 1 meduim size heart (from my bf's artichoke) .50 tbsp kraft mayo

Last but not least 14 servings of 8 oz's water

We moved boxes and took them to storage, had to dig and rearange all the stuff we put in it to get our summer clothes out, that took about 15-20 minutes in the nasty Muggy heat. Dishes and cooking dinner was about all I did today... tomorow will be a better day!!

I stayed inside most of the day miserable, its almost 11 pm and it is still 80 in my house.. no AC still and there is only a light breeze coming in the window.

Blahhh

Wow.. it is so hot and nasty muggy here. I am miserable, somehow verry bloated gassy as always lol and just irritable. Most likely it is about 95 here but the overcast sky and the humidity makes it feel like 100 or more. We cant afford to run the ac and all the fans are packed in storage and we dont know where they are. I am grumpy and just blah I dont want to do anything.

I ate well today and im cooking dinner right now... i dont feel up to writing what I had today.. maybe later when it cools off....

BLAHHHHH

Todays Stress and eats

I had a rather stressful day... It started out good and seemed to be smooth besides the 80 degree weather at 10 am. The stress set in about 2:30 Having to deal with people from a buisness that has really bad customer service and no one knows what the other person is doing or saying. Im not getting into it but I will at the end of the week or beggining of next week.
We left so quickly and my mind was on other things that I forgot to grab my snacks before we left. So by 3:45 I was a bit hungry and thirsty, so we hit up Taco Bell, I only had intentions on getting a medium Baha Blast.. but I ordered one of those new triple beefy layer nacho, on thew value menue. I shared it with my other half and it wasnt really all that big to begin with. I felt horrible after eating it, bloated, heartburn, and generel ill feeling. Or maybe it was guilt, tho it was my choice and we havnt eaten fast food since Aug 08. So I am not betting myself up over it, im moving on and making better choices and planning better for chaios in the future. Its rather hot still at 9 pm and I have been guzzling water like its going out of style.

I worked in the backyard today rakeing up the jungle that my SO weed whacked yesterday, then moving on to sweeping the front drive and walkway and weeding.
Breakfast was 1/2 cup fiber one honey clusters, 1/2 cup Finer one shredded wheats, 1/2 cup ff milk and 4 sliced strawberries and about 3oz of OJ.
Lunch was a whole wheat pitta with avocado, lettace, Tuna salad and an olive, left over broccoli and about 1/2 cup of noddles left from last nights dinner.
We had Turkey burgers for dinner, whole wheat buns I used avocado instead of mayo, tsp mustard, sprouts, lettace, tomato, onion and pickle, and about 13 seasoned fries.

A little tool for weight loss/ healthy lifestyles, and Nutrition.

I just wanted to put this out there for people who are looking for something more with thier weight loss and healthy lifestyles. I use a wonderfull free site to log my calories, and all kinds of cool stuff, they have a great community, and it has really helped me to loose the weight I have lost. It isnt just a calorie counting site it is a reflection of the foods you eat from the calories, to the fat, sodium, vitamins , carbs the whole shabang, it even tracks your weightloss and your goals. It really is amazing, and even if you dont decide to use it maybe at least give it a look and see if it might be something you could use, because it really is worth it and has changed my Life.

here is the website...
www.nutrimirror.com

Laziness... Am I really lazy or is it something else?

So here I am standing in the shower washing my hair and it is coming out in strands of knots. Now before I started on my journey to better health my hair would fall out like this all the time. So really it wasnt something new or alarming, it just made me start thinking about how maybe if I actually brushed my hair 2 times a day instead of 2 times a week maybe it wouldnt come out so much in the shower and stick to me. Then I started thinking about how lazy I am about taking care of my appereance, brushing my teeth, hair and washing my face on a daily basis. Hell I only shave under my arms and my legs in the summer. I am not lazy about my food choices, my logging every thing I put in my mouth, planning meals, doing my chores around the house and cooking dinner. So why am I so lazy about all that other stuff? I don't know, it could be that I don't really go anywhere to brush my hair or teeth so why should I bother. Then it got me thinking about how I was so fat that My Lovely BF would have to get a bucket and bring into the room and shave my legs for me, clip my toe nails and brush my hair. I am not sure if this has anything to do with it, because I can do all these things on my own now and it is wonderful. AM I just really that lazy, or is it that I don't care about how I look, or if my teeth fall out, or my skin is red and dry. I mean I care about my health and how my body composition affects it. I dont want to be fat anymore, I want to stop taking all these medications and I want to stay healthy eat healthy and be active forever, so why cant I take that much pride and pay more attention to these other things? I used to really not care about any of these things I would dress comfortably (which to me and some other people would be considered slobish and Frumpy) now I like to look good and stylish at least in my wardrobe. So here I am again asking why I dont take care of my teeth, hair, face and shave on a regular basis???

My weekend

So it was rather hot today here in sacramento, it was nice during the morning and afternoon but at about 2 it got worse. We worked outside for a while in the early afternoon, i pulled some weeds that were overgrown in the bricks. I helped my mom pack a few things from the living room we had no need for at the moment. I washed dishes cleaned the counters and stove. Made dinner which was odd (the food we had not that I cooked lol) it was grilled Thresher Shark, and to me it didnt have any taste. I had a half cup of those pasta roni things and 1 cup of steamed broccoli mixed into it. Then I finished up the laundry and folded/hung up clothes. it is 7:30 here and about 94 degress in my room.. YUCK it sucks I hate hot weather, because we cant afford to run the air and all the fans are packed in storage. We werent expecting this weather until june, all my summer clothes are packed (not that they would fit anyways, im in a size 16-18 and all my summer clothes are 24's). I just cleaned out my closet, threw out all my old underware and Nightgowns that were like sacks on me. I think I may just do some spring cleaning if I have time tommorow.

So all in all this weekend was good, yesterday was alot of fun, lots of walking and I burned 488 calories walking for 3 hours. I feel like I did alot today, but Im still going to do my bike tonight and some crunches and tummy toners, because my mom pointed out to me that mY tummy is starting to sag. That was the last thing I wanted to hear...

Weekly Weigh In

Woo hoo I am down 1 pound this week, my good eating and trying to do things around the house to keep myself moving paid off. So it is 3.5 more pounds to go to my short term goal, im excited but scared at the same time. I cannot remember when I was 200 pounds or under lol.

Allergies/Astham season... is it getting you down?

Anyone else out there suffering miserably from allergies and or asthma? I know I am severly and Its making me depressed and putting a hamper on my goals. I cant walk outside, ride my bike or workout inside either because my damn asthama flares up so bad and the medicine doesnt help if I am excersising. So i dont want to give up but I just want to eat fat and crawl into bed.

Todays Weigh in and eats

Im reporting my Weekly Weigh in a day late, because I was struggling with 2 pounds that came on sudden after 2 days of no BM... But I am happy to say that I am 204.5 pounds!! woohoo, only down a half pound but I will take it, better than a gain. We dont celebrate easter anymore, because I am grown and have no kids yet, and we dont see the family much. Im kind of glad tho because I am a Candyholic, bags of peanut butter cups, truffles and those solid chocolate rabbits used to be my Indulgence. Not anymore the new me is making grilled catfish, brown rice and veggies, prolly Spinach or Cauliflower. I might have a mini ice cream bar as a treat, but no candy here for me. I have managed to resisit eating candy like I used to, i even gave my bag of dark chocolate kisses to my mom (not that she needs it, but I cant for the life of me get her to stop or cut down) I have had maybe 4 peices in the last month, which I am very proud of to say the least.

In case u cant tell I have decited to keep on blogging on here because it does make me feel good to write and get things out.

Breakfast: 1/2 cup Fiber one original, 1/2 cup Honey nut chex,1/2 cup fat free milk, 4 strawberries cut up into cearel, 8fl oz Minute maid kids, 2 tsp fiber powder

Snack: Fiber one Chocolate Mocha chewy bar
3 oz baby carrots

Lunch: 1 oz chicken breast, 1 cup broccoli, 1 slice double fiber bread, 1 tbsp natural pb, 8 oz Cranergy Cranberry Raspberry Lift

Dinner: Subway 6' Roast Beef sandwich on wheat bread, with provolone cheese, 1 tbsp light mayo, Mustard and all veggies except cucumbers, included fresh Spinich, 1 serving 3/4 cup of quaker backed Cheddar mix

Snack: 1 serving Fruit mix home made with all fresh cut up fruits, 1 wedge of small seedless Watermellon, 1 Mango, 1 meduim Kiwi, 6 Strawberries, 1 large Apple pear(asian) 1 meduim Gala Apple, 20 Blueberries And 1 Nectarine ( recipe makes 6 servings)

Blah... what came over me?

Today I saw my "so called friend" that I talked about in a later post. She said that I looked awesome and I was like missing a whole other person. Not that I want to get close to her again, but it was nice to see her, even if she was already in the area and wanted to collect her stuff she left for summer.

I dont know what came over me, but after I ate an awesome lunch, i felt the need to eat. Instead of grabing something substantial that was good like more carrot sticks or fruit I got a bliss mocha bar, 20 Pistachio nuts, 1/2 ounce honey peanuts, 2 dark kisses,2 butterfinger bells, 16 sunchips, 1/2 ounce of goobers and a handfull of cashews. I binged and I am not proud. I did so well, i even worked out for 24 minutes. I do not know what came over me, it happens once in awhile, and though I didnt go over my calories at all my fat is in red. I never get enough iron, or calcuim i struggle with it almost everyday. So this past week I have not once gone over my calories to loose weight but yet I weighed in today at 204.5 and have since sunday.. Blah I dont get it, ive been working out and Ive been really stict with what Ive eaten, havnt gone over and have been green so far 4 days.

I hope that It doesnt ruin my progress because I really want to loose these last few pounds by may!!

Thinking about quiting writing this blog...

I have been thinking about quiting this blog thingy. I have not had much success in it, not as much feedback as i would have liked. Im not such a great writer and I could be taking up some time from others that have more important things to say. not that I wont continue to read and comment on others, because I enjoy themQ!

today

So here it is tuesday night, the second day into my getting back on track. And what do we get, Rain and lots of it :(. We went out to lunch today and I had every intention on eating right and making healthy choices. I don't think my choice was that bad, but I guess it would have been better to order a salad. Ah well, we did some walking around at the bookstore and also at the grocery store. I was also still all in green again today (given that I had to wing the nutritional info on my lunch because where I went only has 4 things on the nutrition menu). So I am hoping that I didnt sabotage my progress. I would like to get rid of these last 4-5 pounds by my birthday, and I think I can do it, if I step up my game and eat more, and make better choices (not going out to eat at all). So tommorow it is back to doing my dvd's and staionary bike. I wish I had a elliptical and or treadmill.

breakfast: High Fiber Quaker Oatmeal(maple & brown sugar) 1 packet w/ water
6 blueberries, 4 strawberries 6fl oz of Vitasoy chocolate light

Lunch: Chicken border burrito with whole wheat tortilla, 1/2
chips and salsa 13 chips 2 salsa cups, 2 glasses of unsweetened iced tea

dinner: Sweet butter salad mix 2 cups, Salad size shrimp 2 oz, 1/4 cup each of radishes, bell peppers, zuccini, 6 slice cucumber, 6 grape tomatoes, .10cup of sliced avocodo, 1/4 cup Edamame, 1 small mushroom, 1tbs oil and vinager dressing and 1 tbsp of reduced fat 4 cheese mexican

Snack: fat free frozen yogurt, 1 oz chocolate, 1 oz No sugar added Strawberry, 1 oz Peanut butter frozen yogurt 5g fat.

In a better mood today

I was feeling really down yesterday, but today was better. I got up at 9am had breakfast and watched a little DH (im addicted to that show). Then i poped in my Daily dozen and got right to it, amazingly it wasnt hard to do, usually when I dont do it for a few days it gets really hard to keep up with. I felt so much better and me and my SO had a long talk, this made me feel better and cheered me up alot. I had lunch and then we went for a bike ride 1.77 miles, i wish I could go more but my legs feel like they will fall off. But I look at it as before I could barely make it around my small block, now im going almost 2 miles, im being active and getting my heart rate up. We plan to take the dog for a walk after dinner as well, i plan to push for 30 minutes or maybe more because forecast shows rain for the rest of the week BLAH!!

I guess my blogs are kinda boring becuase i talk alot about the same things, and I really dont post what I eat here, Its all on my Favoritest site NM!! Maybe i should start blogging on here about my foods not just my excersise. I hope to be as close to 200 pounds if not 200 by my birthday. 4-5 pounds in a month seems a little much for me, but I know I will be doing it right, just by being a little more consious about what I put in my body and if I step up the workouts. I guess its doing my dvd's for the rest of the week. I hope that there wont be too much more rain this month, I love being outdoors (despite my severe allergies) and the more I get out the better I feel about life!!

Breakfast: 1/2 cup Corn chex, 1/2 cup honey nut chex, 1/2 cup fat free milk 1/2 7inch banana, 4 strawberries 8fl oz of minute made kids orange juice, 2tsp fiber powder

Lunch: 1 piece of rye bread, 1/4 cup avocoda Puree, 1 oz roast beef, 1/2 tsp yellow mustard, 3oz baby carrots, 1 inner leaf of Iceberg lettace, 1/3 cup low fat 2% cottage cheese

10, 8fl oz of water so far

Snack: 1/2 7 inch banana


Dinner: Out, resturant that makes everything from scratch (texas roadhouse)
3 dinner rolls just a small dip of cinnomon butter on 1 bread peice(couldnt resist they are so yummy)
house salad with a tsp of red wine vinager and Olive oil
6 ounce Sirlion grilled ( only ate 4 oz tho)
2 servings of Steamed whole baby carrots and broccoli
3 unswettend Brewed Iced Tea's- 1 packet of splenda

I am so hurt and scared right now

I know some of this post may not be about weight loss, but I just feel like I need to write down these feelings before I do something I will regret later.

When I was younger I had a best friend and we were very close from like 2nd grade up until I turned 16. We did everything together young girls would, play dress up, go to the pool and we were always out doors playing and having fun. When I was in my late 16teens I was hooked on drugs and had a Boyfriend who at the time was 35 years old. Well one day I called my friend and her Grandma procedded to yell at me and tell me that This friend wanted nothing to do with me. For years and years I never knew why, i never got close to another female therefore I never
really had any girl friends to talk to or hang out with. Well here it was going on my 26th birthday and I find this friend on Myspace of all places, and I called her and she rushed right over to my house. It was late and all and the comotion woke up my mom, and upon seeing what it was all about it brought my mom to tears. We caught up, we hung out all the time we did some fun stuff, and I was no longer in a stuper and my depression had lightened up a bit. over the course of a year we would hang out all the time, I was always there for her, rescued her when her grandpa died, took her out to have a good time when she was having a bad day, was there when her roomate Commited suicide, even helped her clean out the house and move. There it was after she had moved very far away from where I live, money got tight for me and my SO and we told her that we couldnt hang out as much because of funds. Well farther and farther we have driffted apart, sure she was there in Dec when I put my dog to sleep, there the day my aunt died in Feburary, but no where to be seen anytime between then and now. She doesnt call and when I confront her about not being there for me, she turns it around on her and her problems, not having time yada yada, Yet she has time to go 2 hours to the casino and gamble every other night. Spend time with her new friend that lives next door which she will lie about, but lo and behold MYSPACE doesnt lie and people leave comments and Some people arent Stupid. So here I am now, very alone, hurt and just not knowing what to do with myself because it seems I have figgured out that in reality she isnt as true of friend as I thought. I want to get high, I want to drink, I want to eat... I guess I am feeling sorry for myself at this point, because I still feel like there is something deeply wrong with me, why I have never had someone I could call a true friend, they just use me up and throw me away. Its happened my whole life, and everyone around me always said that it is there loss and not me, but them and for a minute I believed them. But now Im not so sure, i believe things happen to me because I deserve them. I am not a bad person, I guess I just make bad choices with my life, explains why I am going to be 28 and I have no job, only 1 time in 2000 I worked as a Pet care tech and an avon rep for about 11 months. I still live at home, no income except my FS and GA I get. No car and no friends, I just dont trust people anymore and I am afraid of meeting new people because of the things that have happened to me in the past. I guess I am always going to be a loser because I dont know how to change this RUT I am stuck in. Ive applied severel times at all the fast food joints, denny's Video places, grocery stores you name it Ive put in a aplication. No one has ever called me back! I just really hate this, and I dont want to give up or give in on my goals because they are important to me, but I feel so alone and hurt and scared!!

Update on my Current Weight

Well TOM visiting or not, my weigh in went well I am very pleased to say that my Current Weight is 205 pounds. WOOT I am down 2 pounds this week. I worked really hard at getting the good foods in and eating right. I stayed in green for most of the week, a little over on fat I think one day, but it was the good fat and a little on the sodium as well. But Im feeling good today, Im making better choices and working at getting the motivation for more excersise.

So here I am 5 pounds away from my Short term goal of 200 pounds. The weather is nice, but we have winds that could get up to 50 mph here. So actually Im a little bumbed that I cant get out and get a bike ride in. My asthma has been flairing up these past couple of days and Im reluctent to push it because health care right now is really shitty. Im thankfull for what I have but when it comes to allergies and asthma they dont take it too serously.

Just some random venting

Tomorrow is WI day, uhhg not looking forward to it as I was on monday. TOM decited to show up, guess that was why I was having incredible pain last week. I have been doing so well with my eating, lots of fruits, veggies and lean meat and fish. I have not eaten anything "non" healthy all week, aside from my cereal and the fiber one bars, all has been fresh and clean.

Trying to keep the stress levels down, has proven to be hard as I thought. But I am dedicated and more informed now. We have been riding bikes and taking longer walks in the evenings. It feels great and alot of fun taking the bubby, and I know she enjoys it too! I still have not been working out to my videos, I saw some real changes in my weight loss and body untill I got sick and stoped. Im scared to get back to it because I know it will be tough to get the hang of it again.
Im still puzzled as to why some people who are more out of shape and have more weight on them can do excersises and workouts/walking longer than me. I mean 12 minutes of the workouts kick my ass. I used to have a hard time walking more than 10 minutes, but now I am up to 27. Biking is another story as well 10 minutes is hard for me, my legs start tio hurt to bad as well as my hands ( i have carpel tunnel) and it gets very hard to push pettels after about 8 minutes of riding. Tonight I plan to start again with doing my stationary, and next week starting on monday I will get back into doing my Daily Dozen workout video. I heard it was supposed to rain next week, so I may also throw in some old school richard simons in the mix during the evening if walking is not possible.

We took a trip to Sports authority today, to browse around and get a cover for my bike seat ( it was left out in the sun all summer and it warped the outer cover and now its shredding and crubling) and a meter type thing to track speed and miles for biking. I was interested in getting a heart rate monitor but cant really afford one right now. Also I really enjoy doing things outdoors like, frisbie and OOO do I love badmitton. Problem is that I dont have any friends and my parents are too lazy and of Course SO doesnt like sports, dont get me wrong he loves to walk and bike ride, swimming isnt his thing but he will come in the pool with me during the summer. But it really does suck and hurt also that he wont give it a try with me. I just want to do more things outdoors and stay active. All the yard things are packed away so gardening isnt really an option ( also I have severe allergies and asthma). Tho walking and biking doesnt really make it flare up unless its really nasty and windy outside.

So again Im stuck with a dilema, in winter it was too cold to walk and bike, so I stuck to my workout dvd's and the staionary. Its been Wonderfull outside and I love biking and walking but it isnt enuff for me, I want to be more active and outdoorsy. But I would look like a fool if I was outside playing badmitton or frisbie with myself LOL. So here we have this great weather and He wants to stay inside sitting on the computer. Tho we have made plans for the movies tommorow night, which I might bag because of TOM and it really does cost too much and I dont want to be tempted by Junk food and popcorn!!