Todays Goals

Goal 1: Exersise; Completed 20 minutes on stationary and 10 minutes on eliptical

Goal 2: Walk; Completed walked for 32 mintues

Goal 3: Do dishes after breakfast; Completed

Goal 4: Take Asthma/Alergy meds; Completed

Goal 5: Take vitamins; I surely did

Goal 6: Be kinder to myself and my SO; Working on it

Goal 7: Plan; Completed Sunday Planned dinners for the next 2 weeks

Goal 8; Listen to my body; I surely did today, yep yep

Goal 9: Brush my hair; Completed

Update

I just want to let everyone know that things are going well. I am still trying to work through some of the mental aspects and issues of my journey, but other than that I am still pushing my way through. Eating good, staying in green on my home page ( alittle orange on fat and red on iron) but working on it. Those longer walks I have been taking make me feel amazing, who would have thought? Im still pushing myself to get my workouts in everynight as well. Ive been completing my goals and that feels good to me, like I am acomplishing things. TOM is visiting this week and Ive gone a little over yesterday but am feeling better today. Im down to 193 pounds and it is great. August 17 will be my one year aniversary on NM and I have managed to keep off 55 pounds since then, when I started I was 248 pounds (not even my heaviest). To date I have lost a total of 107 pounds!!!


Weekly goals

Keep up with housework; Completed :) yayy me

Loose 1 lb a week; so far it looks like I lost a pound this week, im at 193 pounds

Don't let things bother me/discorage me; working in it, its more like a work in progress

Plan; Completed

Take care of myself more; That is a work in progress but it is going great so far.

I completed almost all of my daily goals so far aside from the evening things I do such as my walks and excersise.

Hot, cranky some thoughts on my weight loss and todays goals...

It was very warm today, i got into the pool for a few today but didnt really do much but sit and cool off. TOM is here and I am hot and cranky, not to mention Ive had a bad day and it is like 100 degrees in my house. This office with 2 computers 4 people and the sun shinning on it all day gets too freaking hot for my liking. On the other hand my bed room is the coolest room in the house and I love it, it was like the opposite at the old house. I have 400 calories left for tonight and there really isnt much more I can eat but i know if i dont then I will most likely not see a loss. it is very wierd that if I dont get as close to 0 on my calories I dont lose the weight, but as long as I am under 90 I dfo good and the scale shows it. Im off tho i need to get into a cool room and relax!



Goal 1: Exersise; Completed did 20 minutes on the stationary

Goal 2: Walk; Completed walked for 29 mintues today and it felt great!!

Goal 3: Do dishes after breakfast; Completed

Goal 4: Take Asthma/Alergy meds; Completed

Goal 5: Take vitamins; I forgot :(

Goal 6: Be kinder to myself and my SO; Working on it

Goal 7: Plan; Completed Sunday Planned dinners for the next 2 weeks

Goal 8; Listen to my body; I surely did today, yep yep

Goal 9: Brush my hair; Completed

Pool Excersises?

So I am curious if doing excersise in the pool is as effective if not better than doing it out. Things like jumping jacks, Tri-cep dips, crunches, squats jogging in place. I love being in the water and for me I feel like just moving around in the water and doing some of the above mentioned excersises give me more of a workout, but I could be wrong, also how do u log these types of things you do in the pool? well I am off to cool down and get moving!

Today

Blah it is going to be so hot today I was looking forward to being cool in the pool. We opened it up and low and behold the damn ph is hella low and the chlorine was at like 8ppm *sigh* gotta wait a few hours. But I did acomplish some of my goals today and I am happy i completed them yesterday. Here is to a nice productive day!


Goal 1: Exersise; Completed did 17 minutes on the stationary bike, weights for 5 minutes

Goal 2: Walk; Completed did 1.23 miles in 21 minutes, woot go me!!

Goal 3: Do dishes after breakfast; Completed

Goal 4: Take Asthma/Alergy meds; Completed

Goal 5: Take vitamins; Completed

Goal6: Be kinder to myself and my SO; Working on it

Goal 7: Plan; Completed Sunday Planned dinners for the next 2 weeks

Goal 8; Listen to my body; yep sure did it told me i was hungry

Goal 9: Brush my hair; Completed

Daily Goals

Happy monday! Today started off rather shitty, but Im trying to get past it. Last night we went for a 19 minute walk, hey its a start and I did 8 minutes on the eliptical. I also got my list down and for the most part I think they are easily obtainable goals. Some are my own personal ones for me and others are for my continued health. These are my daily goals

Goal 1: Exersise;Completed I did 20 minutes on the stationary bike and 8 mintues on the eliptical

Goal 2: Walk; Completed walked for 21 mintues it felt great

Goal 3: Do dishes after breakfast; Completed

Goal 4: Take Asthma/Alergy meds; Completed

Goal 5: Take vitamins; Completed

Goal6: Be kinder to myself and my SO; Working on it

Goal 7: Plan; Completed Sunday Planned dinners for the next 2 weeks

Goal 8; Listen to my body; even thought I had alot of calories left I just wasnt hungry

Goal 9: Brush my hair; Completed

I noticed I don't blog much when things are going good...

I have not really been blogging much, sure Ive posted some pictures and a short blog about my loss. I have noticed I blog more when I am upset or things are not going right, I rarely have alot to say or write about when things are moving along I feel like I am going steady with eating right and excersising I wonder why that is? I have so many things that run through my head that i want to do, things I just randomly think about but never put them down and then they slip from my thoughts. I have been doing very well with eating lately and Im proud that I have put my foot down and decited that I am going to eat the way I want to eat and too bad for anyone who doesnt like it! Ive decited that its time to make a budget and think about what and where to put what little money we have. Bills and food are #1, and if there is a little left over then I think it should be put away to save to get our lives together. I put it on the table that I do not want to eat out anymore, 2 times a month at the most is what I am willing to sacrafice, besides it saves so much money if you think about. Even if it means I have to sit down and Plan out dinner for every night in a 2 week period at a time, hell I like doing that. I just never can figure out what to do if something doesnt go right and I cant stay on dinner plan. Anyways, things seem to be going better at home, I decited that Im going to just do what I can to keep my parents happy, without giving up what I believe I need to do for me. If that means not going anyewhere and staying home more, maybe that could be a good thing, if i get my ass in gear then maybe I will excersise more with my free time. I have to learn to not let what others are doing influence my decisions on what I should and want to do. I think aside from the mental part I need to work on the only other thing I need to work on is Working out more. Sure I walk and do I am up to 8 minutes on the eliptical but that isnt even 30 mintues a day and it isnt everyday either. I have decited to start walking every night no matter what to start and hopefully we will be able to go longer than 13-15 mintues. Well I am off to make a list of goals, then sort them out into long term short term weekly etc... Hope everyone is having a good weekend and HAPPY FATHERS DAY!!!

Down 1.5 pounds today!!

194.5 was the number on the scale this morning. I am not sure if it is right but I will take it anyways. Yesterday was my aunts memorial in SanFrancisco, and I was tired and drained when I got home. I didnt excersise at all bit I did get in the pool and do some jumping jacks and squats and tricep dips. Not many but I still did them, and I was way over on my sodium but I know I drank way more water than I normally do. Went for a walk with the puppers earlier and am planing on doing the eliptical here shortly. My goal is to be able to do 8 minutes since I started out at barley being able to doing 2 minutes to doing 6-7 with a small rest in between. After my workout on the eliptical I am going to have a small bowl of my summer fruit mix I made.

Missouri 60

This is my first Picture for the Missouri 60 !! Taken June 19

I found an old pic from when I was 300 pounds, and compared to a new one I took today!

I was going through some pictures and I found some to compare and thought I would share them. I cant believe how different I look. The first one is me now at 196 pounds and the other is from a few summers ago, maybe 3 at 300 or more pounds. I still have so much work to do, but I have come along way and I am proud.

down another pound!

Did I forget to mention that I am another pound down on the scale! I weight in this morning at 196 pounds! I think if I was working out and excersising/moving more I could have lost much more. But I am happy and I am taking that 1 pound and running with it!!!

How does one become truly happy with thier lives?

The following has nothing to do with weight loss, but more about life in general. How does one become truly happy with thier lives? With so many obsticals, the economy,family,etc etc... And what do you do when you are not happy with the way your life has turned out or where you see your future headed. Now I know many will say change it, but is it really as easy as changing it? I don't know if anyone else feels the same way as I do, I love my boyfriend, he is good to me in so many ways but we do not have the life that I want. I want to be married to a man that has a job and a vehicle, money to be able to start a family and financial security. I don't want to be living with my parents and having them support me and my boyfriend, depend on using thier vehicle all the time to do things and have permision to do things. I also want girlfriends that I can hang out with and be able to talk to, go out as couples do, I have never had any of this. I know I cannot change the other person, but by myself I don't have what it takes to be on my own, mentally or financily. I have tried to get a job for several years now and its a fail fail cituation because of my mental state and the way I feel about people and authority. So what am I to do with this life I have and am so unhappy with? I don;t want to loose my boyfriend I do love him and cannot picture my life without him in it, but in some ways I feel like I am setteling. I also don't want to start over, and I feel like really who is going to want to be with someone like me, that is 28 obese, still living with her parents, and has terrible problems and low self esteem? Im not trying to put myself down, I feel I am speaking the truth about myself, I am obese and I do have a ton of problems I wouldnt wish on anyone. But what am I honestly to do with what I have to become happy and Live the life I want to have? Or should I try to learn to be happy with what I have because it isnt so bad? But what about feeling like Im not living the way I should be or serving my purpose here on earth? I want to be married and have a family, Im 28 years old pushing 30 soon and no offense to anyone, but I want to be able to keep up with my children that is if I can even have them... Im tired of living off General assistance and food stamps, Im tired of having bi-polar disorder and having to go through all the BS to get SSI, I have a cort date coming up on the end of the month and I am scared shitless. I have never been to court but once when I was young for not wearing my seetbelt. I am shy and get really freeked out and have anxiety attacks around alot of people and authority. I don't want to live like this, but what am I really to do, I want to change it, but HOW with the way things are? I feel like I have no direction, no drive to better myself and truly be happy...

why am I crying

The tears just keep coming, been like that all day. I want to crawl under a rock so I dont have to feel anymore!

no one to blog to but myself... I need to vent regardless

So Im about to rant, and feel free to add your two cents on thefollowing I am about to write.

I understand that my parents have taken care of me these 28 years of my life,and I don't mind helping them out and doing things around the house. Butwhen is enough, enough? It went from doing the dishes daily and Dusting/vacuming one a week, to dishes daily, cooking, cleaning the kitchen afterwards keeping the house clean. Now they want me to dust/vacume sweep/mop daily? I mean what the hell,I do what I can Im only one person and I do my best. But when i want to dosomething, all hell breaks loose, they get attitudes and critisise, make commentsand I just feel like I am here to be the "house bitch". Sometimes I just want to say no and yell, but Im a pushover and I don't say shit, i let it bother me and letit build up inside me. It's like the same with me and trying to do anything for myself, trying to looseweight is so hard living with my parents, because I have to do for them and cook what they like and make things for them, and really I cant always afford to buy myown foods to make seperate from them. They also put down my ideas and thoughts, I get critisised and rediculed about what I eat and what I want to do to lose weight.Just like when I was younger and was looking for a job, my parents always told me no that they didnt want me doing this, or that they wouldnt help me get to work orbuy a uniform or whatnot. Anything to keep me from doing things I wanted to do and possibly to keep me at home so I didnt make friends and learn things about the realworld.
I know I am an adult and I have made my own adult choices, and most would proboblytell me to quit blamming them for where I am with my life now. How could I not blame them, when they kept me sheltered and treated me like shit.I want to get away from this toxic enviornment, but I cant possibly live on 140 dollars a month. The econmy is shit right now, and if people who have deggress and experiancecant find work, then how the hell is a person with little to no experinace and a mentalillness going to get one?

When I was younger I went through Psychaitry, Therapy, deppression/cognitive behaivor classesgroup therapy... it didnt do shit for me, I cant remeber any of it except that all the dr's andsocial workers,told me to get outa the toxic Envoirnment I am in with my parents. that was 11 yearsago and here I am today still fucked up as ever and in the same rut I have been in all my life.

It isnt enough that you get teased and picked on at school by peers and even some teachersbut when your own family does it and treats you like shit your whole life, you alwayswonder if there really is something wrong with you. You grow up with no friends, people who useyou, walk all over you boyfriends who deny being with you, or are ashamed of you, and others say oh its not you its them. I mean really if its happened all your life from everyone around you in reality is it really them?

I started drinking at 14 and smoking pot to numb the pain and deal with things. I always wantedattention but got it in all the wrong ways, by 16 I was a meth addict and by 18 i wassmoking ounces a day, doing things I shouldnt have done and just plain screwed up in the mind.I know my 6 year addiction has alot to do with where I am now, and I thank god that I have beenclean for almost 5 years, but im in the same place and cituation I was then, just without the drugsI use food, just not the way one would think. I go through some days where things don't go rightwhere I say really wtf am I doing this for and i will eat small amounts of things I shouldn't havethinking that they will ease my pain and make me magically happy somehow. In the end I just feelworse and it doesnt change a damn thing. It also doesnt help that i have no one to talk to, i meanmy So already knows all of this, he knows how I feel and sometimes I really question if he trulyloves me because he keeps me here to endure all of this crap, it is easy for him to ignore itbut ive lived with it all my life, I have had enough and he doesnt see that. But on the other hand i look at it the same as I do me, what can he possibly do, with no income and no vehicleor mode of transpirtaion. There are so many things that i can weigh out about my/our cituationand there are so many views that I am uterly confussed...
Right now I just want to escape reality, not have to think about any of this. Not have to deal withthe emotions I am feeling right now, not have to keep bringing up the same subjects over and overand not do a damn thing to change them... How can I change them???

How does one become truly happy with thier lives?

The following has nothing to do with weight loss, but more about life in general.
How does one become truly happy with thier lives? With so many obsticals, the economy,family,etc etc... And what do you do when you are not happy with the way your life has turned out or where you see your future headed. Now I know many will say change it, but is it really as easy as changing it? I don't know if anyone else feels the same way as I do, I love my boyfriend, he is good to me in so many ways but we do not have the life that I want. I want to be married to a man that has a job and a vehicle, money to be able to start a family and financial security. I don't want to be living with my parents and having them support me and my boyfriend, depend on using thier vehicle all the time to do things and have permision to do things. I also want girlfriends that I can hang out with and be able to talk to, go out as couples do, I have never had any of this. I know I cannot change the other person, but by myself I don't have what it takes to be on my own, mentally or financily. I have tried to get a job for several years now and its a fail fail cituation because of my mental state and the way I feel about people and authority. So what am I to do with this life I have and am so unhappy with? I don;t want to loose my boyfriend I do love him and cannot picture my life without him in it, but in some ways I feel like I am setteling. I also don't want to start over, and I feel like really who is going to want to be with someone like me, that is 28 obese, still living with her parents, and has terrible problems and low self esteem? Im not trying to put myself down, I feel I am speaking the truth about myself, I am obese and I do have a ton of problems I wouldnt wish on anyone. But what am I honestly to do with what I have to become happy and Live the life I want to have? Or should I try to learn to be happy with what I have because it isnt so bad? But what about feeling like Im not living the way I should be or serving my purpose here on earth? I want to be married and have a family, Im 28 years old pushing 30 soon and no offense to anyone, but I want to be able to keep up with my children that is if I can even have them... Im tired of living off General assistance and food stamps, Im tired of having bi-polar disorder and having to go through all the BS to get SSI, I have a cort date coming up on the end of the month and I am scared shitless. I have never been to court but once when I was young for not wearing my seetbelt. I am shy and get really freeked out and have anxiety attacks around alot of people and authority. I don't want to live like this, but what am I really to do, I want to change it, but HOW with the way things are? I feel like I have no direction, no drive to better myself and truly be happy...

Things are starting to look up!!

Wow things are getting back to normal now well almost anyways. I still havnt worked out because my knee is now killing me all day long and I have no idea whats going on. i can walk without problems but when I sit or walk up stairs or sleep with it bent it kills me. I had surgery on it when I was younger I had a Dislocated patella that they couldnt see on the x-ray. So I am wondering if I just aggrivated it somehow, i just hope it gets to feeling better soon beacause I miss Working out with jilian and on the eliptical. Good news today tho I weighed in at 197 pounds which is such a relief for me as I have been teetering between 199-201 for so long. It has been a good weekend so far, we did some shoping today and i tried on a size 17 shorts from op and they actually fit, but I didnt buy them because they were hot shorts and tho I have lost alot of weight I still feel like i am too fat to wear the teenage style clothes that I have craved most of my life. I am also back on track with my eating which makes me feel good also, staying green is an acomplishment for me. There are still so many things I have not given up but alot that I have. I still believe that it works best for me to not give up everything, my biggest one is sweets and chips. The chips I don't eat offten if at all but the sweets, its hard for me to stay away from chocolate and grahm crackers, tho I have cut my portions down dramatically on the things I consider treats. On a side note, the house is really coming along starting to feel more like home and look more lived in. Update on my dad, he is doing awesome, he is eating again and he is doing alot of things around the house, he is mean with the dog now and I dont like it, she was always his baby girl and with him all the time, now she avoids him because he yells at her all the time and tells her to go away when she wants lovin. :( ive mostly been avoiding him too, he has been a drunk all my life so I guess I have a fear that he will change how he feels about me now that he is sober. Sorry for the long post, its been a while since I blogged so I had alot to write!

Them pills made me sick

I got myself up yesterday a little on the later side and didnt eat breakfast. I did workout to the 30 day shred and somehow later in the evening my knee started to hurt very bad. Im taking so many different meds I wasnt sure if it was ok to take motrin. So i took a Tramadol (ultram) because I know it is safe to take with all the other meds. 3 hours later it didnt seem to do anything but make me loopy and headachey. the pain was so bad i opted to take a Norco and i split it in half. Oh did the pain go away until about 3 and then I felt so sick, It felt like my blood was all warm circulating my body and I was sick to my tummy. I was up half the morning Being sick. I will never be taking narcatics again! Ive had lots of gatoraide/poweraide crackers and a little bit of soup.

I'm just plain sick and tired

I did not do a damn thing yesterday but sleep and cry, why? Im guessing I have fallin back into that dredded depression. I did not want to get out of bed at all today but I did and I am still misarable, ive givin up on my eating right and ecersising, I keep asking myself what for, does it really matter no one really cares about what I want or what I would like, so I might as well just say forget it all. Im tired of fighting with people over wether or not I can eat this or thAt just one time because I don't do it all the time crap. Im tired of doing everything everyday, I feel like I am just here to take care of the cooking, cleaning the phone calls the apointments, keep track of this that and the other.... Im just plain sick and tired!!!

Still at 199, and wondering about the 30 day shred...

I took a break from the shred on friday, but I only took that day off because I could barely get out of bed and was so tired all day and sore. Ive since gotten back into the routine and am hoping I will do it everyday. For me tho it seems to get harder everyday and I dont know if it is because each day Im pushing myself a little harder. Jilian says that by day 6 or 7 you should be doing great and have better endurance, i don't know about that. I want to know how long before you start seeing results and also when should you go from level 1 to level 2? I was thinking like 2 weeks, but that is just my guess. Im still at 199 pounds, its been almost 2 weeks and im not seeing any changes, Ive been green and eating good and working out. Maybe I am just not getting enough excersise as i should be.