Tuesday, November 24, 2009
My Journey may be coming to an end
Things have somewhat slowed down around here, my mom is on vacation. it has been stressful and I haven't got back on track yet and I have been debating whether or not I am even going to bother. You see I realized last night that my family doesn't respect my decisions and choices, and therefore everything is always stressful for me and we always end up arguing. When me and my mom go grocery shopping, ever single time we end up yelling at each other and mad, because she wants me to buy junk, and crap I will not eat. I try to be nice about it and buy a few things for her and my dad that they will enjoy because the fact of the matter is that I live here free. But still it just stress all the time, when it comes to dinner my mom wants to eat crap that she knows that I wont eat, yet she wont accommodate for me, I am expected to just eat it, just like when we go out it is always stress because I always have to make the choice of where to go and it is a headache especially when My family is there and they say just eat whatever it is not going to kill you. While my mom is on vacation I asked her what she wanted to take out so I can cook, because we have been eating crap since Thursday, she has not answered me or taken anything out. You see at first it was great there was no stress and my family was happy that I was doing things for me, now it is a whole other tune. I am not getting the support I need from the site I have been using since before the Journal room started, I go unnoticed when I need support and advice and it hurts because I was there before it was even a journal room. All this stress just doesn't seem worth it to me anymore. I cannot talk to anyone because they do not listen and it blows up into everyone ganging up on me and right now I cannot take that...
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When my mom was alive and I was younger, I went through a period between marriages where I was forced to live with her for awhile for financial reasons, and I had the same shit from my family.
ReplyDeleteIf I wasn't losing weight, they would criticize my weight. But if I went on a diet, my mother would do things like prepare fried or gravy-laden foods and call me an INGRATE if I didn't want to eat it.
As for anyone saying "it won't kill you," that isn't true, it WILL kill you. When you're young, the excess fat is a self-esteem and body image issue. Left unchecked, it is very likely that you'll wake up one day as a 50-something woman who is diabetic, hypertensive and full of regret over the things that you never did when you were younger because of your weight.
I don't know what the answer is, I cannot walk your path for you. But I can tell you that I do care about al of my blogging friends and hope that each and every one of them finds their way to fitness somehow!
Hang in there Becca! I don't have any words of wisdom but I do care and wish things were better for you.
ReplyDeleteThis is going to sound harsh. Know it is said with love:
ReplyDeleteAre you insane? You are seriously thinking of killing yourself slowly because of fighting with your family over choices?
Noone said this was going to be easy. You especially. Giving up is an option to you? Giving up on yourself? Giving up on life? Giving up on being healthy?
I was shaking my head as I was reading your post, in complete disappointment, hoping against hope that it's just a down swoop on this roller coaster called life, and that you are smarter than this.
Becca - I am here for you. Please e-mail me if you need me!
ReplyDeleteThere is always going to be someone or something standing in your way, if you let it. You didn't come this far to let go now. Not after all the hard work you have put in. Hang in there. You can do this.
ReplyDelete