wow what a crazy week it has been!!!!

I have not blogged in forever it seems, as life has been something else as of late. I have a friend from my childhood that is visiting and we have been doing so much! We went to sizzler last Saturday and I did really bad, I got the grilled hibachi chicken with no sauce and a plain baked potato, but I went crazy at the salad bar and had a soft serve Ice cream cone. We shopped for about 10 hours or more in total from Saturday till today, got some cool stuff at the thrift store and got to spend some time taking pictures in old sac at night that came out great. We had Deny's that night and split the $2 hush puppy and vanilla ice cream Sunday between the 3 of us and that was bad in itself, tho we shopped and walked around for 6 hours just that day alone. We did really bad and stopped at BK and had a burger and fries off the value menu... blah we have not had any fast food in 2 years, it was nasty and I was still freaking hungry afterwards. Today we has leatherby's ice cream and I really didn't like it and was not impressed, I prefer frozen soft serve yogurt, tastes better and is so much healthier too. My friend is leaving tomorrow am and this was the last hurrah for us until the next time she visits... I am sad, because we have had a blast, but on the other hand I am kinda glad to be able to get back on track.
So not looking forward to tomorrows weigh in :( I know i have been so off track, I didn't even really log my foods or worry about what and how much I was eating *sigh* I guess to be honest it was the first time in a long time were I felt like an adult with freedom and less stress to worry about crap. I had a great time and I am not going to beat myself up about any of it at all!!

Deep down I don't feel I deserve to be happy...

I did pretty well on Monday despite the Bud Ice and pretzels, which I had the calories for. Been back on track for the most part this week as eating has been good and we did 11 miles on the bike on Tuesday and 1o on Wednesday. Went to the farmers market today and walked around Old Sacramento for about 2 hours total. It feels good to get moving and eat right again, but I feel like I could be doing more. I still cannot stick with working out no matter how hard I try, I don't know if it is just not something I enjoy and get bored with quick, or if its because I don't like to work out alone and the SO wont get off his but and work out with me... I know it pays off because I have seem results with just a couple of weeks being diligent and working out all but 1 day. You would think that seeing those results would have pushed me to continue or to start up again. I just cannot find my motivation to do it.

Allot of people can see themselves being fit and at there goal weight, not me I have trouble seeing myself anything other than fat and flabby. I have tried and failed and sometimes I feel like that is part of what is holding me back, that and I still deep down inside do not believe I deserve to be happy and skinny. I want to be healthy and get off these BP, and acid reflux medicines, and have a banging body to boot. Its getting there that it tough on me, I just don't have the support or motivation. I love Jillian Micheals and the way she yells at people, because she believes in them and she knows that they are capable of pushing themselves. I need someone like that to push me, because I am not going anywhere by myself lol...

Someone Kick me in the ass, or light a fire under it!!

So the weather has been really bi-polar here in Sacramento for the last couple of weeks. With that came stress of not being able to get out and walk and bike, which in turn caused me to become Depressed. Then Of course my TOM was in the works and that did not make it any easier. Also in that time I have come to the realization that the people I thought were my friends are only there when they want something from me. Therefore I have no real friends and that comes the thought of not being able to hang out and have BB Q's in the summer and OHHHH the Loneliness :(... This is too much to handle all at once, so I decided that eating, sleeping and Drinking would help me get through all the emotions that were brewing in me. Yeah drinking Rum and soda or energy drinks every day isn't very helpful. Yesterday was bad, I had A family size bag of jalapeno popper Doritos to myself, 3 doughnuts for breakfast, 4 ounces of lunch meat on my sandwich and for dinner 5 pieces of pizza and 3 crazy breads with lots of sauce. Now I know it could have been worse and I know i made these choices and I am OK with them, but did they help? Not in the least! I am surprised that I woke up in a better mood today with a bit of energy and clean eats to start the day. A afternoon walk that started with some douche yelling out his car "walk fat ass, Walk!!" I was like WTF, then I flipped him off and told him to come say it to my face and called him a Motherfucker!! I was pissed because for one, I have not ever had anyone do that to me since I was a teen. Second I know I'm still fat at 177 pounds and only 5'1 but I don't need some stranger reminding me of that. Yeah I am up from 173 but I am aware and I know now that the weather is improving I will be too!! Happy Friday everyone

Eating right and still struggling, and more Tattoo pictures LOL

I have been back into my eating right and moving since Monday and I am still hungry all the time. I don't know whats going on, other than I am allowed 1228-1400 calories depending on how much I exercise to lose 1 pound a week. I decided to go back on maintenance again so I can have more calories and see if it helps. The only other thing I can think of is that I'm a week away from starting my period. I have noticed that once a month I go up a few pounds and then right back down again. Anyone else have that problem? I am sure it is because of the dreaded woman monthly and I guess that I should not let it bother me 0r get me down because it happens and there is nothing I can do about it, besides I go back down anyways. My new tattoo is healing nicely, but the last one I got is having issues. My girl didn't go in that deep but was having problems with her gun and the colored ink she was using. I wanted her to finish it so that i can share it but she said it wasn't healed enough for her liking. It has been 2 weeks now, so I am hoping by the end of the month I can have it finished.

Here it is when she first did it :

And this is it now:

I got a new Tattoo

Just wanted to share my newest tatt I got it today and I am so in love with it!!!

another pound gone this week :)

I lost a pound this week so I am happy to be at 174. I have really been kicking my but with my workouts and making sure I drink tons of water and eat right. Come to find out my dear boyfriend who watches me workout and doesn't eat all his calories Loses 4 freaking pounds and in now considered overweight and not obese... MEN!!! So we decided to have a little leniency on the weekends and enjoy a drink or 2 I know this prolly isn't the best way to go about my healthy lifestyle, but I am feeling like I am still young and I want to enjoy life while I can. It is different because I am not using it to drown my pain anymore, but more a way to relax and DE stress. Things are getting a little better at home since I have learned to stand up for myself, but there is still a lot of work that needs to be done. I have 29 years of programing that I need to work through. I am no longer living up to any ones expectations but my own, even if it means I must disown part of my family it is worth it to me, they bring me down and try to start BS and drama and I don't need that in my life, besides I think they are jealous because I am my own person now with no obligations and I don't let them walk all over me anymore and it scares them. I do what I want and I am working on myself because I want to be truly happy and little by little it finally happening.

Guess who's back, back again...

Yes indeedy my lovely bloggers I am back with a vengeance! For two weeks I made poor decisions, I ate too much chocolate, we ate out at restaurants to much and I drank to much Bacardi and energy drinks mixed with Pepsi one. Thing is that I could have done worse considering all the stress and things that were going on in my head these last few weeks. I am proud of myself for not being to hard and knowing that I am human an entitled to make poor choices as long as I am accountable. I have got back into doing the 30 day shred yet again, I am on day three and I have really been pushing myself and doing things I couldn't before. My muscles are very sore, I have a hard time siting down and sleeping on my sides because my thighs hurt something fierce. My upper arms towards my armpits and a little towards the boobulos hurt too, but I like it. I'm working on my mental issues and I am trying to learn to stand up for myself and it is really hard for me and I don't know why. Sometimes I feel that no matter how many times I am told that I am better and worth more I just don't believe it deep down because of all the negative I have gotten from family and supposed friends. Those are the main things I need to work on because they are weighing me down. My parents have gotten worse and I need to just learn to stand up to them because I really don't like the stress they put me under and it is high time that I start putting myself First!!!

2 weeks of crap eating...

I have been struggling a lot these past few weeks. I have gone even over my Maintenance calories for at lest 5 of those days. I am having issues with loosing faith in humanity, as it seems like everyone is out to back stab me and let me down. My b-day kinda sucked but I guess I am getting older and it shouldn't matter. I did get my tattoo, but its not finished and I am still in so much pain. Getting it finished and the other one when it is healed. I am up .5 pounds on the scale today, but its OK because I know I have been making terrible choices and I have not had a BM in a few days so that is contributing to it as well. So anyways that's about all I can muster up to type like I said I'm feeling down and out and lonely.

Today is my B-Day!!!

Today is my Birthday and I am officially 29 years old. Wow it feels so weird to type it let alone say it out loud. I have great eats planned for today, breakfast is oatmeal with banana, lunch will be a salad with tuna and dinner is Grilled Chicken with homemade Chipotle BBQ sauce, Fresh grilled shrimp, Grilled Zucchini and squash and My low fat Homemade red potatoes salad. Maybe a shot or 2 of tequila or rum with amp but that's a maybe.

I am going to get 2 tattoo's today and I am excited that I had a hard time sleeping last night. I felt like a child on Christmas eve LOL. I'm stopping at Starbucks on the way and getting a Venti Iced Americano with a little nonfat milk, to share with my honey. Well I hope that everyone has a great CINCO DE MAYO!!!

Check out this giveaway over at She-Fit

Check out this awesome giveaway over at she fit...http://she-fit.com/vitalicious-vitatop-giveaway/comment-page-2/#comment-1522