Thursday, May 28, 2009

Maybe it is why I dont push myself!

I think i finally realised or came to grips with why i think I sabatoge my weight loss efforts or why things dont always work out the way i want. I am scared shitless that if i do get all this nasty weight off me and get to a healthy bmi/body fat % whathave you, i wont be able to keep it off! I know it may sound like a copout to some but it really is a reality. I have never been a dieter, I tried taking matabolife for awhile but doing that and being a meth head didnt really blanace out. I think the only thing I ever tried to lose the weight was doing meth to get skinny. i was small a size 13 and 125 pounds, but even being addicted for 6 years i still gained weight, just most of it was after i quit cold turkey. Still I am scared that i wont be able to keep off the 100 pounds ive lost already let alone another 50 more. There are so many what ifs and thoughts about what will happen when I get down to my ideal weight. How will it affect me, and others in my life, will I be happy or miserable, having to buy new clothes and actually having to take better care of every aspect of myself not just eating and moving my ass. It is so much to think about and it is scary and it is part of why I dont push myself, why I make bad choices and why I binge...
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6 comments:

  1. A Daunting Tale of Scale WarfareMay 29, 2009 at 7:50 AM

    I can so empathize with you here. I've failed so many times in the past, that I am constantly worried that when the scale isnt moving in the right direction, I'm going to wind up gaining all of the weight I've lost plus more.

    I think just the fact that you are focusing on working out and being a healthier person all around, will help you not gain the weight back. Youre so worth being healthier :)

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  2. Little Miss Fatty PantsMay 29, 2009 at 8:23 AM

    I now this sounds so cliche, but you just have to take it one day at a time. You can't go crazy thinking about all the what-ifs.

    You've done an amazing job already and I know you will continue on fighting the good fight.

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  3. JulesMay 29, 2009 at 8:45 AM

    In a way... we're all afraid. Afraid we can't really do this journey. That we'll fail just like all those other times we've tried. because lets face it... we've all tried before and here we are again. Here's the thing though.

    DO YOU WANT IT! Like a coach...
    I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
    DO YOU WANT IT!!
    YES!!!
    Then go for it! You will do it. just keep reminding yourself you do want it. remember that this is NOT a journey of "just until" it's not a journey of... I'm losing weight for my reunion, or my wedding, or to have a baby (1 of the reasons I have to lose weight)... this is a lifestyle change. You are working on your forever. And lets face it. There will be times AFTER you reach your goal where life will throw you curve balls and you'll fall off... why because you are human. And lets admit it... we're not perfect. So when we finally catch the curve balls, we'll jump back on the band wagon (hopefully with only that proverbial few pounds) and we'll work on losing it. because eating healthy and exercising is for forever. You'll forever be working on losing, maintaining and being skinny. So one more time...
    DO YOU WANT IT?
    I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!
    DO YOU WANT IT?
    YES!!
    Then go out there and do it. Do it today and don't worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day. :) LOL You can do this Becca. Don't focus on tomorrow or next year. Focus on today when you get afraid. Today you CAN do it. :):):):)

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  4. Fat[free]MeMay 29, 2009 at 10:15 AM

    I am a bit scared of that as well. I am hoping I get addicted to exercise to ensure it stays off, lol!

    Lets just try anyway!

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  5. UnknownMay 30, 2009 at 8:15 AM

    Like what everyone else said - we're ALL afraid of gaining it back! But that shouldn't stop us. We just need to get there first, then take it slow, watch ourselves, and keep on plan.
    The truth is we're never going to stop watching our weight. For those of us that have a weight problem, we will always have to watch it, no matter what size we are.

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  6. WinderdoodleJune 2, 2009 at 8:24 AM

    Hey, Becca: I just found your blog and this post so thought I'd add a quick note. I also have lost 100 pounds and have struggled with the same thoughts that you're having here.

    The reality though is that those negative thoughts are what got us to our initial overweight stats, right? If we can convince our brains that we can do this ... then we can! Losing weight is as much about changing our thinking as it is changing our bodies.

    Check out this site: http://refusetoregain.com/my_weblog/ for some inspiration. They have great discussions on there that have really inspired me and hopefully they will you too!

    -Wendy

    wendyweightlossjournal.blogspot.com

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