Today was WI day :)

Weigh in today and I am back down to 172! I felt really good this morning and had my cereal and coffee. Had errands to run and took care of business, walked to pick up my RX and visited the Cost Plus World Market. I burned 999 Calories from walking to and from and shopping for 3 hours :) I still have no Idea how I am going to be able to keep eating enough to sustain how much I workout. But hey it is worth it as my confidence is up, I am feeling more healthy and happy with things and they seem to go much better lately. Been slowly planning a huge shopping trip as we have not gone monthly shopping since Nov of 2011. It will take a few trips to several stores to stock up on things and get some healthy and local foods. I am looking forward to the Farmer's Market when it comes soon this will make me a happy camper. Good night all and hope you have a Great Weekend!!!

Love those Light bulb moments...

Wow I really need to stop sometimes and realize that the small things I have no control over don't really matter. Do this and it may make my life more fulfilling and help me feel better about myself.

I am sitting here on this cold morning with my clean breakfast and a cup of coffee :). Remembering why I feel in love with real whole food (because it loves me back). With the eating more calories I have felt better, mentally and Psychically and with the continued working out at the gym I can see my body changing as well. Since I got the weight off and been on birth control my periods are like clock work and I can now attribute the 2 weeks before I start when I am moody and depressed and eat everything in site to hormones. I guess that everyone is different because I always thought it was the week before you started that you get the weird PMS crap.

So I am feeling a ton better about life and my place in it. I am so glad that I now have the help I need for my mental health and the support of my love Anthony. I have the tools to help me with my weight loss and to live and be healthy and active. Starting my business also helped me feel like I was contributing to society for once in my life. After having my Interview at Macy's I never thought i would ever put myself out there. I have learned that life isn't worth living if you let fear take the wheel and steer. Now if I could just really let go of all of the past, and stop thinking that everyone sees me the way I feel about myself then maybe it would make things easier. I am working on these things yet finding it hard with social media and blogging. It is that whole approval thing and feeling like the things I have to say are important and no one ever seems to pay much attention. Then the other part of me, goes back to read and most of my posts are all the same thing over and over again. My life can be really boring but I don't know what it would be like without things like Facebook to stay connected with those that do care and my blog. I noticed I lost 3 or 4 followers and I'm not going to lie it bothered me but I realized that it doesn't matter and that maybe its because I feel I suck with words and so I hardly comment on other's blogs or participate in things on here. There goes my brain working overtime, over thinking and over analyzing everything LOL.

Trying not to be Discouraged :(

I started eating more yesterday so we shall see what the results are coming up on Friday. I have not felt well today since going to the gym shortly after eating a big, filling lunch. I know better now that I really have to let my food settle at least an hour and 10 minutes if not a little more. I am exhausted right now but have been going and going all day. Just clipped my coupons from the last 2 inserts and the ones that came in the mail today. I'm not doing as well as I had expected on the business front but I am optimistic and it is really the first week so we shall see. I'm scared that I will put more money into it then I get out. With having to buy supplies, samples and brochures if I don't have any customers (I have 2 family members who made an order to help me with my first campaign) and it is a start but by now I should have at least gotten some response. I'm really starting to wonder how one has so many friends on Facebook and so many Followers on Blogger but only seem to have 1 or 2 comments when trying to network. I mean as for facebook most of my friends are people I know and have personally met and its like I was not even acknowledged and it kinda hurts more then anything but sucks the same... I hate having doubts and worrying so much about things I have no control over but that is the story of my life and when things start going good for me some way or another it gets shot down. I continue to be positive tho and take it one day at a time, but still the BPD me is always over analyzing and having anxiety over it all... Have another full day ahead of me so I think its time to call it a night!!

Started a Buisness On Saturday

Totally off topic but I figured that networking and getting the word out there would help...

I started selling Avon again, so I thought I would let my everyone know that way if they wanted to help support my new business that would be cool. If you need anything or know anyone that needs an Avon Rep send them my way!!

www.youravon.com/rebeccafreeman

If you are not Local (Sacramento) They have Shipping and its is free for orders that are $30 or more and all you have to do is go to my website and order your Avon!

Thanks I could really use the support, so if you don't use Avon or already have a Rep, and may know someone who needs one the referral would be greatly appreciated!!!

How is it they say you need to eat more to lose weight?

So I am still having a hard time grasping the eating more to lose weight concept. My RMR is 1452 and the site I use to log my foods and exercise give me a deficit of 969 Calories and I have gained weight. Now I would think that as long as I am eating 1500 calories a day that I would be losing the weight, but I keep getting told that I am not eating enough, as I am given about 2300 calories to eat when I work out. I'm at 175.5 so I am still doing ok but 2 weeks ago I was at 173 and maybe I put on a lot of wright on my off week when I was sick and eating so much and have lost some of that weight. I have been at this thing for 4 years now, one would think that I would get it by now but I still don't. Sure I lost a ton of weight and learned how to eat good and somewhat balance my lifestyle using Nutrimiror but my #'s on the site have always been all over the place and never accurate. Ah well just thought I would throw this out there, not really much going on in my little world right now. Walked today since the Gym was closed so I burned some calories and did my thing to keep active!

Had a down week :(

I was not feeling well last week, despite my efforts to keep the parents germs from spreading to me and the SO. I was also going through a bout of depression, but I was more sad and eating way to much food then feeling worthless or sleeping too much. Very weird for me as I usually want to sleep all day and just not want to do much else. I finally got in to see someone at Mental health and I have apt with a Psychiatrist as well as my Councilor next month. Went to the gym today and it felt good as I pushed myself a lil harder then I normally do as I was feeling guilty for skipping out on it for 7 days. My body is feeling it tho its a good thing and I felt amazing afterwards. Got my new glasses today and my eyes are having a hard time getting used to them and I can feel the strain. I hate the strain/tension headaches I get behind my eyes they suck and can sometimes feel as bad as a migraine. Well its off to do a few more things before getting into a magazine and going to bed.

unproductive weekend

This weekend was not very productive at all. I am feeling very under the weather and it is bringing the bitch out in me. I am seriously mad about everything and at everyone lol. On the brighter side went to the gym everyday this week except Friday because it is closed. Instead we walked up to the Walmart and got our eyes checked and new Glasses! Shopped a bit and then walked home and in 3.5 hrs I Burned 1065 calories!!! But that does not make it right that I did squat this weekend except run errands on Saturday and we had movie night with snacks. But didn't do a damn thing today but eat and plop my ass in front of my PC and Play WOW... Very productive if you ask me LOL!! See my sarcasm there... yeah I know I suck at it. OK well Just wanted to put a Lil update out there. Not feeling well and so ready to go to bed, and the drugs are kicking in!

Things going on in life right now

Why do I find myself coming back after not blogging for days or weeks and feeling so bad about it? I have tried to write from my phone but it just wont let me for some odd reason. I upgraded my Internet security and now I am not able to do anything that requires the Internet and if I can it is limited. Odd thing is we did the same for the other 2 computers in the house and the other 2 work fantastic. Only difference is that they run Windows7 and I still have vista, all the settings are exactly the same and are all set by default. This is why I have not been able to bring myself to blog having to use one of the other puters in the house. I decided I needed to get back to my writing even if I have to use my mothers laptop.

On the health front things have been going good. Eating has been great and been going to the gym everyday that I can and if not the gym then I find things to do that get me out and about. Did skip yesterday tho because I had a bright Idea I would make a Turkey for the first time and didn't have everything I needed and was so not prepared for it. Came out good and I made a stuffing with sprouted grain bread, Apple and walnuts. It came out so yummy and good for you with real ingredients in it also. Going to the gym still feels like such a burden on what I want to do during the day, but it is not as bad as it was before, and I feel great after going and knowing I am taking care of my body and my health in general.

I have a apt for an intake with the mental health dept on the 14th (of all days, right?) But I am lucky and thankful after all this time I might actually get some real help. I am scared because of all the things that go on in my head that they will lock me away for being insane LOL. I just hope that they can help me and I start to get some relief from this BPD and anxiety I have about so many different things. I have however been trying to forget about the past and focus on the future and it has helped out a lot. I am not as stressed out about the small things an I don't dwell on the past and all the bad crap anymore.

I have always hated V-day and this year is no exception as I have to high of expectations from my SO. He is very good to me, and he tries his best but he is not the romantic type and I feel like I have bought in to the Hype of what it really means. I have ideas in my head about things I want to do but no where to start. It is getting late and I am rambling.. Good night

Not so good at my Commitment to blogging so far...

I had made a commitment to blog more at the beginning of the year. I have not kept it up as much as I would like to. There just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day to do everything I want to do. I complain about being bored a lot but yet I can't find time to do things during the day. Get up and eat breakfast check my FB and do my games which only takes about 15 minutes by that time the hubs is coming home, its time for lunch then to get ready for gym. Gym is an hour and a half give or take, then come home have snack and its time to do chores and start dinner. Clean and do dishes after dinner and I get about 2 hours to sit and relax and it is usually to Play WOW or to scrapbook or coupon. Then at 9pm it is hubs bedtime and I sit with him and I read until I get tired, and I cannot blog from my non smart phone anymore for whatever reason and I don't want to leave him to come and blog. Guess I will just have to cut some time off of other things or something!

We went to visit my aunt this past Thursday and we were there until Sunday afternoon. It was nice to get away and I felt good with little ailments (other than a few tummy issues, nothing like what I have at home). No headaches which was a plus, but the eating was not so great. I know that I don't eat a lot of things that I know are not the best for me and I eat as healthy as I can and most ppl would say that eating off plan or off limit foods is OK once in awhile. For me they are not, the simple fact that they trick my brain into being hungry all the time and I just can't stop eating once I start. When I got home on Sunday I could not stop eating junk food, chips and Guacamole, sees candy and tons of chocolate. There are times that I can enjoy a small treat of real Organic Chocolate, or organic Gelato without feeling deprived or feeling more hungry or out of control. But if I eat the stuff that is Sugar, Fat and salt laden I go buck-wild. I have been reading an awesome book that is helping me understand why and it is a great addition to all the nutritional information I read about all the time to get better informed so that I may get as healthy as I can and stay that way forever.

Bad day

Could not stop eating today, no idea why. I had tons of chocolate and ice Cream and I just have not been feeling good. I have ate very healthy and clean for the last 2 weeks and I have also had serious Heartburn and acid Indigestion to the point I feel nauseous. Today has been no exception, its late and I need to get to bed.

Having a positive outlook makes all the difference...

Ended up skipping the gym today, not really by choice more like there was no time.Between the 4 hours of shopping, putting groceries away with a headache mind you from not eating since 9 am, having to make food to eat and then clean and cook dinner there was just no way to make it before they closed. I did however burn 400+ calories for 3 hrs of actual walking/shopping so it is not like I didn't move my ass today I so did. I think this was the first time in a very long time that I had a good time being out with the SO and grocery shopping. I was not stressed nor did I feel rushed and I got a lot accomplished and enough food to last about 3 months I am hoping. Tomorrow we will be going to the gym for sure and i am happy about that.

I have started this year out with a extremely positive outlook and it is going well for me. It is amazing how your attitude and the way you feel can change how you live your life. I believe that 2012 is going to be a good year, I am feeling better and taking care of myself better. Staying in touch with friends and being more social. Hell I am even blogging more also which makes me smile. Right now SO is in bed and I am sure he is not happy I am pounding away at the keyboard, but for some reason I couldn't post from my mobile (stupid non smart phone) lol.

Just wanted to post an update and get this put down before my thoughts decided to float away. Have a great night all!!!

5.6 pounds gone... Fluke much?

So went to the gym Tues,Wed,Thursday but did nothing today. I finally got my HRM to work right and I burned 536 Calories yesterday and I am hoping that its right. I got on the scale this morning (still WI on Fridays) and it said 177.5! OK so that's 5.6 pounds down from Dec 29 which I was at 184 and I am thinking it has to be a fluke. I have been eating a little better and drinking a ton more water too. I'm happy about it but still seems kinda odd to me that I could put on 21 pounds in 2 months and then just drop 5.6 just from going to the gym and working out? LOL maybe I am on to something or maybe my body is just detoxing and it hasn't leveled itself out. I have been feeling kinda odd lately, a little hot and cold flashes, mild dizziness slight headaches and weakness. I don't think I am getting sick because it doesn't feel like it. More like my body is releasing all the toxins I put in it the last couple of months. Well anyways this is me making an effort to get back into blogging. Hoping that everyone is having a Great Friday and enjoys the weekend!!

Back Yet Again Take 2

Going to try this out again, there just seems to be so much to do lately and not enough time to do it. Maybe I need to cut my FB Games time down a bit and play less World Of Warcraft.

I am back yet again and I felt like doing some blogging this morning. It is damn cold out but its nice and the sun is shinning bright. The last few months of last year were crazy, between Halloween and Christmas all the Candy and Food the hubby working all hours of the morning in Retail and last minute shopping. I am surprised I still have my Sanity lol! Of Course I was so off plan and besides shopping and walking to the store a mile away that was all the moving I did. I started the Gym up this week and I gotta say that it feels amazing and scary at the same time. Got me a Nice Heart rate monitor that I adore for an amazing price (still trying to figure out how to get the calories burned to work right) and some new workout shoes that make my feet feel like they are wrapped in pillows. I am still working on the food part, don't get me wrong I am not going crazy and I am eating healthy but we still have some lingering expensive chocolates hidden around that I dabble in a little too much. What can I say it is my Vice, and I cut out the energy drinks and diet soda so I am on the right track. Still struggling tho with Sodium as usual, and even tho we only occasionally use boxed Potatoes for a side during dinner I think it's the cheese and Lunch meat from our sandwiches. Things are starting to look up and I have noticed that when I keep a positive outlook and try not to stress the small stuff things go well and I can just cruise through life without much effort. This is all new to me, and kinda overwhelming but it does feel good and I feel better!