Monday, May 16, 2011

My Solid Commitment :)

I am making a solid commitment today to kick my butt in gear and get back on track. I have tried several times in the last 4 months and it just gets harder and harder. I tell myself I am going to start logging my food again and blogging and something just keeps me from it. It is not like I have gained a ton of weight back, i mean I have gained and lost and gained and lost but its only about 5-7 pounds. It is mainly the eating that got me so far off track, diet soda, chips, chocolate, Ice cream, cheese and CAKE... All the things I could go without eating and have in moderation on occasion. I got super lazy about allot of stuff as I was trying to work on my mental well being and I realized that it was not helping and I felt like crap all the time. No energy fatigued all the time, hungry non stop no matter how much I ate, BLAH that is not the way I want to live and it shows me how easy it is to go back to the old way of eating. I did notice that when the SO works and I get up I am all Gun ho and ready to eat right and work out and then the minute he comes home and opens a bag of chips, or pretzels or makes something Awesome for lunch (that is almost always 90% healthy, after I already had my lunch) it just makes me so mad that I say Forget it what am I fighting for. 4 years I have been at this and I still let what the others I live with dictate how and what I eat and bring me down and discourage me. I wish I could find a way around it. This feeling does suck, and I don't know why it is there, sometimes I think its just part of my BPD but others I think its lack of willpower and determination. So today is a new day, I had my glass of water first thing and now I am eating old fashioned oats, with chia bran and fresh cut strawberries. Here is hoping the rest of the day goes well!