Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Ahhh Booo...

So i stayed on track all but about 2 weeks and felt fantastic again. Then poof out of nowhere I fell off the wagon again. I do not know what is going on but things are just all out of whack lately and I just cannot seem to get things together. This time of year is just awful for me as it is and my mind just isn't it anymore. I guess I am tired of fighting with my parents about food and groceries. I will never matter that I am the one that buys the food and cooks, I still have to please them because I live under their roof. My mom buys so much crap and I cannot stop her, sure I don't have to eat it, but then it goes to waste and I get yelled at for it. Or sometimes I just have a hard time resisting the candy and chips that are brought in. I weighed in at the DR office today at 186.4 pounds, that is way too much considering I was at 170 in August. I am bummed out and depressed and there is a ton of Crap surrounding me, Halloween candy that we bought because it was on sale, and I mean 7 big bags full of it and not to mention I have been baking cookies and eating 4-5 at a time. Real homemade cookies each batch with at least 1-2 pounds of butter in them and white sugar on top of the brown sugar. I know they are better for me then the crap you buy thats loaded with things you cannot even pronounce but only in moderation and lately I don't even know what that means. I thought maybe blogging again would help to keep me on track, but when I noticed that I wasn't getting much comments and support it kinda just made me feel like I was back at square 1. I know this blog is for me, but I rely very much on others for support and advice because I don't have any friends and my family is very supportive. The SO used to be, but since he took up drinking and started working and being tired and lazy again it has been hard. Of course he has a Physically demanding job and he rides a bike to and from work (weather permitting) he can get away with the extra calories in a little bit of junk food now and then, but not me. I guess that I am being hard on myself and I know it could be worse, I still don't eat fast food, I stay away from restaurants and foods I cannot pronounce or overly processed crap, I'm still eating things I shouldn't be to the point it makes me ill. OK I think I have done enough rambling for tonight. Tomorrow is a new day and maybe I can start out slow and try and get myself going in the right direction before it is TOO LATE!

1 comment:

  1. Hang in there Becca - Sorry to hear that SO is drinking again and being lazy. That is a recipie for no fun.