Things going on in life right now

Why do I find myself coming back after not blogging for days or weeks and feeling so bad about it? I have tried to write from my phone but it just wont let me for some odd reason. I upgraded my Internet security and now I am not able to do anything that requires the Internet and if I can it is limited. Odd thing is we did the same for the other 2 computers in the house and the other 2 work fantastic. Only difference is that they run Windows7 and I still have vista, all the settings are exactly the same and are all set by default. This is why I have not been able to bring myself to blog having to use one of the other puters in the house. I decided I needed to get back to my writing even if I have to use my mothers laptop.

On the health front things have been going good. Eating has been great and been going to the gym everyday that I can and if not the gym then I find things to do that get me out and about. Did skip yesterday tho because I had a bright Idea I would make a Turkey for the first time and didn't have everything I needed and was so not prepared for it. Came out good and I made a stuffing with sprouted grain bread, Apple and walnuts. It came out so yummy and good for you with real ingredients in it also. Going to the gym still feels like such a burden on what I want to do during the day, but it is not as bad as it was before, and I feel great after going and knowing I am taking care of my body and my health in general.

I have a apt for an intake with the mental health dept on the 14th (of all days, right?) But I am lucky and thankful after all this time I might actually get some real help. I am scared because of all the things that go on in my head that they will lock me away for being insane LOL. I just hope that they can help me and I start to get some relief from this BPD and anxiety I have about so many different things. I have however been trying to forget about the past and focus on the future and it has helped out a lot. I am not as stressed out about the small things an I don't dwell on the past and all the bad crap anymore.

I have always hated V-day and this year is no exception as I have to high of expectations from my SO. He is very good to me, and he tries his best but he is not the romantic type and I feel like I have bought in to the Hype of what it really means. I have ideas in my head about things I want to do but no where to start. It is getting late and I am rambling.. Good night