Friday, October 14, 2011

Just venting

Tom is visiting and I am up 2 pounds, surprised its not more. I have been drinking lots of soda, eating tons of Halloween candy, cookies and cake. I have not tracked anything. There was so much going on at the beginning of the month we decided not to renew our gym membership until next month when things hopefully get back to normal. Still have not heard anything back from the dozen places a Applied for a job. I really don't know how I feel right now as my head is very clouded and I want to stop the crappy eating and get back to normal. It seems like when tom hits this year I have been seriously giving in to the cravings and not even thinking twice about it. I'm tired of fighting because living with 2 people who don't give a damn and bring crap into the house makes it too tough. I have asked nicely over and over for them to not bring it in the house, they don't care. Hell they treat me like Dirt, they are more like 2 invalids who expect me to do everything, without respect mind you then my Parents. I do everything and still they bitch because I make noise when I wash the dishes, or prepare food or really any noise I make in the kitchen. They bitch about the food I cook, and Buy then tell me they are tired of me not cooking food they will eat. It is pathetic and whats more is for the life of me I cannot stand up to them, I let them walk all over me and lie down and take it. In turn it stresses me out more, strains my Relationship with my honey, and even more so because I won't let him say anything or stand up for me... I know I complain about the same things over and over, but nothing changes no matter how much I try. Aside from beating them, which is not an option tho they deserve it, because they are just not nice and miserable humans that try to make me the same way. I will not give up on trying to get the hell out, need money that is not here and is getting harder and harder to do. I want to get out into the world and be a Functional adult, I'm sick of letting my BPD ruin things for me because I will never get better living with those 2...

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry that you're in such a difficult situation. I know it sounds flat, but it will change. Keep applying, keep trying, one day it will turn around for you!

    Stay strong!