I'm sick and I suck at getting back on track!!

I have yet to get back on track... I suck for sure, now im on my period and I am sick with what im hopeing is only a mild sinus infection... all i want to do is sleep and eat... ughhh if it isnt one thing it is another with me. Leave it to me to get sick in summer lol...

wow what a crazy week it has been!!!!

I have not blogged in forever it seems, as life has been something else as of late. I have a friend from my childhood that is visiting and we have been doing so much! We went to sizzler last Saturday and I did really bad, I got the grilled hibachi chicken with no sauce and a plain baked potato, but I went crazy at the salad bar and had a soft serve Ice cream cone. We shopped for about 10 hours or more in total from Saturday till today, got some cool stuff at the thrift store and got to spend some time taking pictures in old sac at night that came out great. We had Deny's that night and split the $2 hush puppy and vanilla ice cream Sunday between the 3 of us and that was bad in itself, tho we shopped and walked around for 6 hours just that day alone. We did really bad and stopped at BK and had a burger and fries off the value menu... blah we have not had any fast food in 2 years, it was nasty and I was still freaking hungry afterwards. Today we has leatherby's ice cream and I really didn't like it and was not impressed, I prefer frozen soft serve yogurt, tastes better and is so much healthier too. My friend is leaving tomorrow am and this was the last hurrah for us until the next time she visits... I am sad, because we have had a blast, but on the other hand I am kinda glad to be able to get back on track.
So not looking forward to tomorrows weigh in :( I know i have been so off track, I didn't even really log my foods or worry about what and how much I was eating *sigh* I guess to be honest it was the first time in a long time were I felt like an adult with freedom and less stress to worry about crap. I had a great time and I am not going to beat myself up about any of it at all!!

Deep down I don't feel I deserve to be happy...

I did pretty well on Monday despite the Bud Ice and pretzels, which I had the calories for. Been back on track for the most part this week as eating has been good and we did 11 miles on the bike on Tuesday and 1o on Wednesday. Went to the farmers market today and walked around Old Sacramento for about 2 hours total. It feels good to get moving and eat right again, but I feel like I could be doing more. I still cannot stick with working out no matter how hard I try, I don't know if it is just not something I enjoy and get bored with quick, or if its because I don't like to work out alone and the SO wont get off his but and work out with me... I know it pays off because I have seem results with just a couple of weeks being diligent and working out all but 1 day. You would think that seeing those results would have pushed me to continue or to start up again. I just cannot find my motivation to do it.

Allot of people can see themselves being fit and at there goal weight, not me I have trouble seeing myself anything other than fat and flabby. I have tried and failed and sometimes I feel like that is part of what is holding me back, that and I still deep down inside do not believe I deserve to be happy and skinny. I want to be healthy and get off these BP, and acid reflux medicines, and have a banging body to boot. Its getting there that it tough on me, I just don't have the support or motivation. I love Jillian Micheals and the way she yells at people, because she believes in them and she knows that they are capable of pushing themselves. I need someone like that to push me, because I am not going anywhere by myself lol...