Trying not to be Discouraged :(

I started eating more yesterday so we shall see what the results are coming up on Friday. I have not felt well today since going to the gym shortly after eating a big, filling lunch. I know better now that I really have to let my food settle at least an hour and 10 minutes if not a little more. I am exhausted right now but have been going and going all day. Just clipped my coupons from the last 2 inserts and the ones that came in the mail today. I'm not doing as well as I had expected on the business front but I am optimistic and it is really the first week so we shall see. I'm scared that I will put more money into it then I get out. With having to buy supplies, samples and brochures if I don't have any customers (I have 2 family members who made an order to help me with my first campaign) and it is a start but by now I should have at least gotten some response. I'm really starting to wonder how one has so many friends on Facebook and so many Followers on Blogger but only seem to have 1 or 2 comments when trying to network. I mean as for facebook most of my friends are people I know and have personally met and its like I was not even acknowledged and it kinda hurts more then anything but sucks the same... I hate having doubts and worrying so much about things I have no control over but that is the story of my life and when things start going good for me some way or another it gets shot down. I continue to be positive tho and take it one day at a time, but still the BPD me is always over analyzing and having anxiety over it all... Have another full day ahead of me so I think its time to call it a night!!

Started a Buisness On Saturday

Totally off topic but I figured that networking and getting the word out there would help...

I started selling Avon again, so I thought I would let my everyone know that way if they wanted to help support my new business that would be cool. If you need anything or know anyone that needs an Avon Rep send them my way!!

www.youravon.com/rebeccafreeman

If you are not Local (Sacramento) They have Shipping and its is free for orders that are $30 or more and all you have to do is go to my website and order your Avon!

Thanks I could really use the support, so if you don't use Avon or already have a Rep, and may know someone who needs one the referral would be greatly appreciated!!!

How is it they say you need to eat more to lose weight?

So I am still having a hard time grasping the eating more to lose weight concept. My RMR is 1452 and the site I use to log my foods and exercise give me a deficit of 969 Calories and I have gained weight. Now I would think that as long as I am eating 1500 calories a day that I would be losing the weight, but I keep getting told that I am not eating enough, as I am given about 2300 calories to eat when I work out. I'm at 175.5 so I am still doing ok but 2 weeks ago I was at 173 and maybe I put on a lot of wright on my off week when I was sick and eating so much and have lost some of that weight. I have been at this thing for 4 years now, one would think that I would get it by now but I still don't. Sure I lost a ton of weight and learned how to eat good and somewhat balance my lifestyle using Nutrimiror but my #'s on the site have always been all over the place and never accurate. Ah well just thought I would throw this out there, not really much going on in my little world right now. Walked today since the Gym was closed so I burned some calories and did my thing to keep active!

Had a down week :(

I was not feeling well last week, despite my efforts to keep the parents germs from spreading to me and the SO. I was also going through a bout of depression, but I was more sad and eating way to much food then feeling worthless or sleeping too much. Very weird for me as I usually want to sleep all day and just not want to do much else. I finally got in to see someone at Mental health and I have apt with a Psychiatrist as well as my Councilor next month. Went to the gym today and it felt good as I pushed myself a lil harder then I normally do as I was feeling guilty for skipping out on it for 7 days. My body is feeling it tho its a good thing and I felt amazing afterwards. Got my new glasses today and my eyes are having a hard time getting used to them and I can feel the strain. I hate the strain/tension headaches I get behind my eyes they suck and can sometimes feel as bad as a migraine. Well its off to do a few more things before getting into a magazine and going to bed.

unproductive weekend

This weekend was not very productive at all. I am feeling very under the weather and it is bringing the bitch out in me. I am seriously mad about everything and at everyone lol. On the brighter side went to the gym everyday this week except Friday because it is closed. Instead we walked up to the Walmart and got our eyes checked and new Glasses! Shopped a bit and then walked home and in 3.5 hrs I Burned 1065 calories!!! But that does not make it right that I did squat this weekend except run errands on Saturday and we had movie night with snacks. But didn't do a damn thing today but eat and plop my ass in front of my PC and Play WOW... Very productive if you ask me LOL!! See my sarcasm there... yeah I know I suck at it. OK well Just wanted to put a Lil update out there. Not feeling well and so ready to go to bed, and the drugs are kicking in!

Things going on in life right now

Why do I find myself coming back after not blogging for days or weeks and feeling so bad about it? I have tried to write from my phone but it just wont let me for some odd reason. I upgraded my Internet security and now I am not able to do anything that requires the Internet and if I can it is limited. Odd thing is we did the same for the other 2 computers in the house and the other 2 work fantastic. Only difference is that they run Windows7 and I still have vista, all the settings are exactly the same and are all set by default. This is why I have not been able to bring myself to blog having to use one of the other puters in the house. I decided I needed to get back to my writing even if I have to use my mothers laptop.

On the health front things have been going good. Eating has been great and been going to the gym everyday that I can and if not the gym then I find things to do that get me out and about. Did skip yesterday tho because I had a bright Idea I would make a Turkey for the first time and didn't have everything I needed and was so not prepared for it. Came out good and I made a stuffing with sprouted grain bread, Apple and walnuts. It came out so yummy and good for you with real ingredients in it also. Going to the gym still feels like such a burden on what I want to do during the day, but it is not as bad as it was before, and I feel great after going and knowing I am taking care of my body and my health in general.

I have a apt for an intake with the mental health dept on the 14th (of all days, right?) But I am lucky and thankful after all this time I might actually get some real help. I am scared because of all the things that go on in my head that they will lock me away for being insane LOL. I just hope that they can help me and I start to get some relief from this BPD and anxiety I have about so many different things. I have however been trying to forget about the past and focus on the future and it has helped out a lot. I am not as stressed out about the small things an I don't dwell on the past and all the bad crap anymore.

I have always hated V-day and this year is no exception as I have to high of expectations from my SO. He is very good to me, and he tries his best but he is not the romantic type and I feel like I have bought in to the Hype of what it really means. I have ideas in my head about things I want to do but no where to start. It is getting late and I am rambling.. Good night