Them pills made me sick

I got myself up yesterday a little on the later side and didnt eat breakfast. I did workout to the 30 day shred and somehow later in the evening my knee started to hurt very bad. Im taking so many different meds I wasnt sure if it was ok to take motrin. So i took a Tramadol (ultram) because I know it is safe to take with all the other meds. 3 hours later it didnt seem to do anything but make me loopy and headachey. the pain was so bad i opted to take a Norco and i split it in half. Oh did the pain go away until about 3 and then I felt so sick, It felt like my blood was all warm circulating my body and I was sick to my tummy. I was up half the morning Being sick. I will never be taking narcatics again! Ive had lots of gatoraide/poweraide crackers and a little bit of soup.

I'm just plain sick and tired

I did not do a damn thing yesterday but sleep and cry, why? Im guessing I have fallin back into that dredded depression. I did not want to get out of bed at all today but I did and I am still misarable, ive givin up on my eating right and ecersising, I keep asking myself what for, does it really matter no one really cares about what I want or what I would like, so I might as well just say forget it all. Im tired of fighting with people over wether or not I can eat this or thAt just one time because I don't do it all the time crap. Im tired of doing everything everyday, I feel like I am just here to take care of the cooking, cleaning the phone calls the apointments, keep track of this that and the other.... Im just plain sick and tired!!!

Still at 199, and wondering about the 30 day shred...

I took a break from the shred on friday, but I only took that day off because I could barely get out of bed and was so tired all day and sore. Ive since gotten back into the routine and am hoping I will do it everyday. For me tho it seems to get harder everyday and I dont know if it is because each day Im pushing myself a little harder. Jilian says that by day 6 or 7 you should be doing great and have better endurance, i don't know about that. I want to know how long before you start seeing results and also when should you go from level 1 to level 2? I was thinking like 2 weeks, but that is just my guess. Im still at 199 pounds, its been almost 2 weeks and im not seeing any changes, Ive been green and eating good and working out. Maybe I am just not getting enough excersise as i should be.

Maybe it is why I dont push myself!

I think i finally realised or came to grips with why i think I sabatoge my weight loss efforts or why things dont always work out the way i want. I am scared shitless that if i do get all this nasty weight off me and get to a healthy bmi/body fat % whathave you, i wont be able to keep it off! I know it may sound like a copout to some but it really is a reality. I have never been a dieter, I tried taking matabolife for awhile but doing that and being a meth head didnt really blanace out. I think the only thing I ever tried to lose the weight was doing meth to get skinny. i was small a size 13 and 125 pounds, but even being addicted for 6 years i still gained weight, just most of it was after i quit cold turkey. Still I am scared that i wont be able to keep off the 100 pounds ive lost already let alone another 50 more. There are so many what ifs and thoughts about what will happen when I get down to my ideal weight. How will it affect me, and others in my life, will I be happy or miserable, having to buy new clothes and actually having to take better care of every aspect of myself not just eating and moving my ass. It is so much to think about and it is scary and it is part of why I dont push myself, why I make bad choices and why I binge...

Today was good, a little crazy but I pushed past.

Today was a crazy day, I had a apt today for that Yearly woman thing (pap) and I had called to rescedule it because as you know my dad is going thru rehab and doing detox. His apt was at 11:30 at the rehab place, and another with his dr at 3:00 well my apt was at 1 and 20 miles away near where I used to live. Needles to say I made it to my apt because i was not waiting 4 months for a rescecdule, but having to drive all over town (not me but my so) must have been way more hard on him then it was on me. Still a very stressful day, i did good eating wise, i took sensable snacks with me because I knew my eating scedule was going to be thrown off today. My apt went good and now i dont have to go back for 3 years! Although I really love the nurse practitioner who I saw, she is a very knowledgable woman and very kind, she told me that despite what society is all about that we should love our bodies because they are the only ones we have, and to listen to it and treat it good, she also said to protect your heart. It really was touching for me, to have someone who was wise and still kinda young but knew what she was talking about. I wish that all dr's, nurse practioners where like her, too bad she only specializes in family planning. I am still so sore from the 30 day shred and TOM decited to show up this afternoon and I feel really bloted, but ima press on and workout tonight.

todays eats
breakfast was high fiber maple & brown sugar oatmeal (with water) and 13 blueberries, a few small bites of scrambled egg, and 2oz vitasoy chocolate light

snack was a 90 calorie chocolate drizzle cereal bar, Oat and strawberries with almonds fiber one bar

lunch was a sandwich, with 2 slices of double fiber bread, 3 slices of turkey lunch meat, 3 pieces of salami, three cheese peperonchini spread on one slice, 1 inner leaf iceberg lettace, 3 slices of cucumber and 4 slices of zuccuni, 5 sour cream and onion soy crisps, 8oz cranergy cranbery lift

dinner was a Applebee's WW Garlic herb chicken dinner (8points)

Snack : 1 serving of fruity's: 1 6in banana, 2 cups watermellon, 1 apricot, 1 nectarine, 6 strawberries (recipe makes 6 servings) 4oz Chocolate amd 4oz NSA Strawberry banana frozen yogurt

4 liters of water

Question about the 30 day shred?

I was just wondering with the julian micheals 30 day shred are you supposed to do the 20 minute workouts everyday? I ask because I have read and heard that you are not supposed to work the same group of muscles on consecutive days, so I am just curious.

30 day shred just whopped on me!!!

I just finished the 30 day shred level 1 and omg did she kick my butt. It was fun but the whole time I was cussing her out because the jumping jacks and butt kicks were really hard for me and also the no rest in between or otherwise. I did almost all of the circuts but with the jump rope and but kicks i modified a little bit but I was still doing it and working my buns off. I feel great and I feel like it is something I can do everyday and not get to bored. Besides I know I will see results

I think Im Depressed

Once again i ate shitty for lunch, was pissed and bored so i took a 3 hour nap. I think im falling back into a deppresion. I just have no energy like I used to, i dont want to do anything but eat and sleep. Im so bored, more so here at the new house then I was at the old. I need to really get my but into gear and work out and get out and get excersise, but here I sit on my ass mad, bored and ready to go back to sleep!

Havn't been doing so well... dad is detoxing and I am Scared shitless!

I havent been doing so great in the eating or excersise dep. I have been trying tho and as much as Ive cut down on portions i got tired of always saying no to eating things. On saturday I had 1 pork tamale my mom bought and they were homemade but i still dont know the nutrition info on it, I also had one small slice of peperoni pizza and a very tiny slice of birthday cake at my cousins house. I felt like I didnt deprive myself and I controled the portion size. I also made a large pasta salad with regular noddles (not whole wheat) and because no one else really likes pasta salad I have been eating alot of it. I put green peas, sliced olives, canned artichoke hearts (non marinated) red onions and grape tomatoes in it. I had it with some homemaid Vinager and oil dressing, i use canola oil and apple cider vinager. So my sodium and fat have been high and today the scale said 200 pounds again... boo I am not happy I am no where near where i should be with my weight loss. I should have lost 3.5 pounds and I havnt lost anything. Things have been really stressful lately with the move and now we have taken my dad to the Chemical Dependancy Recovery Program and it is outpatien. He is doing detox right now and he is not a happy camper. He shakes so bad that he cannot eat or drink anything, and it is terribly hard for me and my mom to watch him and see him this way. I cannot imagine what he is going through. When i quit doing meth 4 years ago i did it cold turkey and I honestly cant remember what it was like I think I slept for along time. It wasnt easy and I know this wont be easy either, Im scared and worried and all these feelings and emotions are creeping up and Im scared i will want to binge. I always delt with problems/stress and things that bothered me by jumping into the glass pipe or eating until i felt like Id explode. I honestly am frightened of how I will deal with this right now. So much has happened since december of last year and frankly I still shake my head and pat myself on the back that I didnt turn to meth to calm me. So in Dec I had to put my dog down, then in janurary my Dads brother (my uncle) died, feburary my aunt who was like a second mom to me died, other family has been in and out of the hospitol for a few months, we lost our house do to forecloser, and now my dad is sick and trying to quit his drinking. It is alot for one person to handle, especailly me because of my illness and because of being so sheltered and not having much "adult real life experiances". Not to say that other people dont have there own problems and issues just that it is hard for me. Right now I want cake, ice cream, cookies, dip, chips, chocolate and starbucks Venti Mocha Frapachino. But instead I had some fruit and were going to take the dog for a walk now.

So far so good

I had a good saturday so far great eating and 3 hours of shoping and 2 minutes on the eliptical. I was able to do 6 minutes last night, i used my rescue inhaler 15 minutes before hand and I went slow and paced myself rather then going gun ho! I think wants I get going on it I tend to go to fast and that is where I get tired and have to stop. I had a tamale for dinner and then its off to my cousins b-day party, where there will be pizza and cake and ice cream. I may have a bite or two of pizza and a small peice of cake, no ice cream for me I have fat free frozen yogurt here for me if I want a treat.