Uggg, and I was doing so well :(

Man I really started off the new year on great terms as far as taking care of myself, eating right and moving it. The weather was so nice on Monday, the sun was shinning and it was warmer. Went for a nice 2 mile walk up to the shopping center and back home and it felt great! Tuesday was OK eating was great and even tho it was so cold and gloomy out I went for a walk anyways. As for yesterday I was so depressed all I did was lay in bed and eat, I had 3000 calories and most was cheese and Chocolate, I feel so defeated. I am thankfully feeling better today, tho my day just kinda started so who knows what it will bring. I started TOM yesterday so I guess that accounts for why I was feeling the way I did. I did however see a dozen programs about weight loss and the Obesity epidemic in America, I learned some new things that could help me out allot. I thought that I had conquered my demons and got past the mental crap that was holding me back, but yesterday I realized that I didn't and it is all still there. They cut Mental health out of the county medical services as well as Social Security. So therefore if I need to see someone I have to pay out of pocket, and so unless they take LINT I'm sol and it sucks. I have been researching and calling everywhere with nothing and no help. I have really no friends to speak of that can help to just talk about things with other than my BF who is my best friend but he already knows and really cannot offer any more help. But that is understandable. So I am not beating myself up for slipping, it was one day and it isn't going to ruin anything as long as I can pick myself out of the stupor and press on!

2010

I am starting the new year out right, I am taking care of myself. I have decided that it is time for me to take care of my body inside and out. I am tired of not feeling feminine enough or sexy, I am going to take care of my teeth, hair and skin as best i can. I mean why not I deserve it and my body deserves it. I have thrown out all the junk food and have been eating great for the last 2 days, I had some popcorn and a beer last night and I didn't feel guilty about it and I am proud of myself because I could have done so much worse. I am sick again so other then a walk up to the store and a Jaunt around the Bath & Body works store I have not got much in the way of exercise. But I am trying to move more and do things around the house again. As soon as i am feeling better and the weather permits I am getting back into my groove. I weighed in today and the scale read 186.5 so really I am only up 3 1/2 pounds from my weight before the holidays this is good news because I was pushing 200 the day after Christmas so I was getting worried. I chalked that up to the sodium and chocolate overload. My new Goal weight is 175 and if I continue to eat right and get exercise I could be there by march 2010. I am still struggling with the same issues as I have in the past, but I am putting my foot down and doing for me and if people don't like it then they can shove off. I am still slightly depressed but I feel like it is lifting from me allot, as I was so bad that I couldn't get out of bed there for awhile and I am enjoying life again. Logging my foods and here blogging. Here is to 2010 and the hopes that it will be a better year for everyone!!

Holidays and what not...

It has been a long 14 days since I have logged anything or exercised. Have not blogged in those 14 days I gained 2.5 pounds, but with the way I have been eating and all the holiday food and sweets I am thankful that I have not gained more. I went shopping at the mall today and I felt like a 300 pound woman trying to shop in the skinny girl stores, the looks the lack of help was just enough to bring me down again. Now I am more than in titled to shop at these stores and the stuff in them does fit me. I got 2 pair of size 15 jeans at the wet seal for 16 bucks, you cannot beat that. Aside from the frustration of looks and what not I did have a good time shopping and just because I felt like a 300 pound woman does not mean I am. I am at 185.5 and I am going to try to get back on track, I mean I didn't really do to bad I still watch what I do eat, I have just been eating too many cookies and too much cheese. Those are my vices, I gave them both up and now I cannot get enough! With this weather and the holidays things have been tough but I am going to slowly get myself back into moving more and doing my videos. I have a Elliptical that has been sitting in my office since May 09 and I have used it maybe 6 times, I'm debating on whether or not I want to try and sell it since it is practically new, or use it. I don't want my Bf to have wasted a good chunk of money.

The shoes

I have been sick, depressed and aunt flow has been visiting. Sucks havnt gotten anything done at all. managed to get a pic of my little black dress up LOL... here are the shoes and that is all for today.

up .5 pounds, Meh... and this weekends plans

scale said 183 pounds, up .5 pounds... Is it really true that your muscles tear when you do strength training and weights and they hold on to water to repair? That is what it is then! Next Friday is a new week and I should be working on level 2 of my 30 day shred. Tomorrow is a shopping day with my aunt, when we go shopping we can be gone walking around for Hours and hours, I hope to burn allot of calories. Hope everyone has a great weekend!!!

Looking for healthy Substitutions for Holiday Baking...

I am looking for Healthy substitutions to classic baking recipes... Preferably Chocolate chip cookies, oatmeal raisin, peanut butter and Sugar cookies. I know that I can sub 1/2 the flour with wheat and the Egg with whites, but what about oil/butter and sugar?? Any ideas would be helpful!!

Black Spaghetti strap dress...

Today I got to do a little Christmas shopping with a friend of mine that I have not seen in awhile. It was nice to get out and away from the house and have some girl time since i very very rarely get due to lack of friends. I bought myself some really nice things today, went shopping for others but couldn't pass up what I found. I found a Black Spaghetti strap dress that was Killer and looks good on too. cost me 11 bucks. I will wear it for Christmas and post a picture, I also got some freaking hot shoes and a purse as well. I will be posting those too. Eating and working out this week has been awesome i have been doing great and it really feels good. Friday is Weigh in day and I am hoping for some nice numbers. Day 4 of Shred rocked and I pushed myself. Happy Friday Everyone!!!

Title's suck

This is so random and not really weight loss related but...
I have the hardest time coming up with a title to my posts, anyone else have that problem?
I feel like if the title sucks and doesn't jump out no one will be interested lol...

An unrelated note, weighed myself this morning, 182.5 wow that's insane yesterday i weighed 185.5 that's 3 pounds. I am going to say that it was from all the sodium laden foods and stress. I did so well yesterday with eating, my log was all green, didn't work out but I am going to restart my 30 day shred and this time I making a promise to myself that I am going to stick with it! Happy Monday everyone!!

up 5 1/2 pounds and only myself to blame!

Ive been super bad, gained 5 1/2 pounds back and I am dissapointed in myself. Today I am getting back on track and this time I am staying there. no more excuses and no more crappy eating, all the bad food is going in the garbage and i don't care who gets mad, we dont need that shit hanging around here.

My Journey may be coming to an end

Things have somewhat slowed down around here, my mom is on vacation. it has been stressful and I haven't got back on track yet and I have been debating whether or not I am even going to bother. You see I realized last night that my family doesn't respect my decisions and choices, and therefore everything is always stressful for me and we always end up arguing. When me and my mom go grocery shopping, ever single time we end up yelling at each other and mad, because she wants me to buy junk, and crap I will not eat. I try to be nice about it and buy a few things for her and my dad that they will enjoy because the fact of the matter is that I live here free. But still it just stress all the time, when it comes to dinner my mom wants to eat crap that she knows that I wont eat, yet she wont accommodate for me, I am expected to just eat it, just like when we go out it is always stress because I always have to make the choice of where to go and it is a headache especially when My family is there and they say just eat whatever it is not going to kill you. While my mom is on vacation I asked her what she wanted to take out so I can cook, because we have been eating crap since Thursday, she has not answered me or taken anything out. You see at first it was great there was no stress and my family was happy that I was doing things for me, now it is a whole other tune. I am not getting the support I need from the site I have been using since before the Journal room started, I go unnoticed when I need support and advice and it hurts because I was there before it was even a journal room. All this stress just doesn't seem worth it to me anymore. I cannot talk to anyone because they do not listen and it blows up into everyone ganging up on me and right now I cannot take that...